


Falling Again

by EscapingReality51



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Coming Out, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, alternative universe, explicit for later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2018-09-02 20:52:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8682961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EscapingReality51/pseuds/EscapingReality51
Summary: Aaron left Emmerdale at the end of February 2015 after Robert and Chrissie's wedding, when he hears that Chrissie is pregnant. He returns a year and a half later; Katie is still alive, Chrissie and Andy ran off around Christmas 2015, with Lachlan following soon after. Robert is left to care for their daughter alone. Based on a prompt.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know anything about having a one year old child so I apologise for any inaccuracies that the internet couldn't help me with.

Green hills rolled past the window, with trees swaying slightly in the wind, the sun standing high in the cloudless sky. It was a perfect day, warm, slightly breezy and beautiful. Aaron looked at the view from his cab window, admiring the hues of green and the shadows dancing on the ground. He had missed this - a proper English summer’s day. France had many great things, but he felt content at seeing something to familiar. He saw the sign going to Emmerdale, and smiled. He had been gone for a year and a half, too long in his opinion, and was finally returning home. He missed his home, he missed his mum and he missed his family. He had kept in touch with Chas, but had kept his distance. He had heard of Adam’s wedding to Victoria, and was thrilled with the news - he had always hoped the two of them would pull themselves together long enough to tie the knot. He had heard of Paddy’s affair with Leo’s teacher, and was anxious to see how Paddy was doing now that he was back from Hamburg. Other than that, he hadn’t really heard much of the village that had been his home for many years. Keeping up with the news in the village was not going to be the same thing as seeing it, seeing the people, and he couldn’t wait to see _his_ people. He even missed Cain, with his snarky comments and his general grumpiness.

Aaron couldn’t explain why he had stayed away for so long; initially it was just meant to be a few months, to give him a chance to figure things out, get some distance. In the end, he had found a job, a nice place to stay, and found some great friends, and the thought of going home had seemed daunting. He hadn’t left it on the best of terms with Adam, his best mate, and he hadn’t felt himself wanting to go back. The thought of a certain other villager flashed in his mind, and he tried to ignore probably the biggest reason he had left. He wanted to lie, and tell himself that Robert Sugden had absolutely nothing to do with him wanting to leave Emmerdale.

The cab started driving down familiar streets, and Aaron felt butterflies in his stomach. It felt achingly familiar, and he was getting nervous at the thought of seeing his family again. The car slowed to a halt when they finally arrived at the pub. The Woolpack. It looked just as it always had, beautiful in the afternoon sun, the same benches outside and flowers in bloom. It looked like home. Aaron paid his fair, and the cabbie got out. He opened the cab door, and got out the car, breathing in the fresh air. His bags were taken out, and thanking the driver once more, he picked them up and headed for the entrance to the Woolpack. Life in France had started to get stale, and he had missed home. He had called Chas a month ago when he had decided to come home, and it had felt right. She had sounded so happy it had made Aaron’s heart ache a little. She had been sending subtle hints that Aaron should come home, mentioning Adam, Vic, Diane and even Cain asking about him. He hadn't been ready before, but how he finally felt like it fit. He looked up at the pub, and, feeling the asphalt beneath his feet, made his way to the back entrance of the pub. Aaron opened the door, smiling at the fact that his keys still worked. It was a struggle to make it through the door with his bags - he still managed to be surprised at the amount of stuff he had accumulated over the past 18 months. He set the bags down next to the stairs and he took in the room. It looked just as it always had, with family pictures on the walls, the snug little kitchen and same pillows on the couch. He walked around the back of the couch, and into the pub behind the bar.

Aaron saw Chas immediately, moved by seeing something so familiar. Her back was turned to him, and she was pouring a pint. Her hair was shorter, but still maintained its curls, and Aaron smiled, feeling something he hadn't felt in a very long time - like he was home. Cain was the first to spot him, sitting across from Chas with a pint in his hand.

“Aaron!” He said, lifting his pint in salute. "Welcome back." 

“What?” Chas turned, and saw Aaron. “My boy!” she exclaimed, and ran over to him, throwing her arms around him. “It’s so good to see you, I’ve missed you.” She said into his ear as they hugged.

“I’ve missed you too mum.” He said, his arms wrapped around his mum. They separated, Aaron drawing back, slightly embarrassed by the display of affection. 

“I thought you were coming in later, love. I would’ve picked you up.”

“I didn’t want to cause a fuss, just took a cab. No worries.” he shrugged, and moved on to Cain.

“Hiya Cain, how’s everything?”

Cain got up and walked behind the bar. “Good, it’s good to have you back.” he gave Aaron a quick hug, and smiled at him. “Your mum’s been a right mess since you went off, glad you came to your senses!”

“Oh come on Cain.” she chided, turning to Aaron. “But I have missed ya loads love. The occasional phone call isn’t the same as having you here, at home.” She smiled. “Come on, I’ve got your room ready for ya.” With a look at Cain, she led him out to the back of the pub, and helped him get his stuff upstairs. His room was just as he left it, just as it should be. 

“Thanks, mum. This is brilliant.” He smiled fondly at his room, memories of the last few months of his stay rushing to the forefront of his mind. He ignored them, instead setting his stuff on bed as he made to unpack.

“Can’t that wait? Thought we’d all have a pint in the pub, give you a proper welcome.” She looked at him hopefully, knowing his weak spot and luring with a pint . “Vic’s in the kitchen, and she’ll be thrilled to see ya. Cain’s probably texted the family, told them that you’re here. Adam's on his way, and Holly’s back, she’ll want to say hi. So much has changed since you went away... it’ll be good to catch up with everyone.” Her grin was infectious. Aaron was nervous about meeting Adam, although he still thought of him as his best friend. They hadn’t spoken much since he’d left. Aaron had sent a small gift when he had heard of his and Vic’s wedding, and he and Adam had talked a couple of times since then, but Aaron knew Adam had been hurt at his leaving to France. He hadn't told anyone the real reason, and he wasn't planning on it anytime soon. 

“Sure. Let me just have a shower and get changed. Need to get the airplane smell off me.”

“I’ll have a pint ready for ya.” she gave him a last hug. “It’s so good to have you back. The house just isn’t the same without ya, love.” She squeezed his shoulder, before leaving the room. Aaron was left in his room to his empty closet and distracting memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! <3 I love you all
> 
> Fine me on tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/escapingreality51


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron sees Robert again, but is surprised by his change in circumstance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2! I am planning on this being a 10 chapter fic, with an epilogue. I hope you enjoy it!

Twenty minutes later, Aaron came down the stairs dressed in a fresh set of clothes. He had taken his time, letting the hot water work out the knots and worry that had manifested in his shoulders. Taking his clothes out of his suitcase, he had quickly dressed and thrown some gel in his hair. On his way out to the pub, he walked past the door to the kitchen, and saw Vic and Marlon dicing vegetables through the small window in the door. He pushed through, and was met with surprised faces.

“Aaron!” Vic set down her knife, and hurried over to give him a hug. “It’s great to have you back! Adam’ll be thrilled.” She released him, and gave him a pat on the arm. “You look good. Can’t wait to hear what you’ve been up to this past…” Aaron could see her trying to figure out how long he’d been gone for. “Eighteen months.” he finished for her, and she smiled at him. “That’s quite some time mate, we’re all thrilled you’re back.” Marlon added, taking his eyes away from the knife in his hand to smile at Aaron. “Too long, Aaron. I need to get back to work, but we should catch up soon! I want to hear all about what you’ve been up to in France.” 

“Yeah, what about I come by your place later? Say hi to you and Adam?” he asked. “Would love to see how the two of you’re doing in Keeper’s.”

“I’ll let you know yeah? Depends on what the rest of the house feels like.” she said, picking up the knife again, as if it was a given. Aaron was confused. The rest of the house? Was Adam so against seeing him, that he wouldn’t allow Aaron to see their house? Aaron shrugged it off, before Vic looked at him and smiled. 

“I’ll text ya and let you know!” She added, getting back to her cutting board. Aaron didn’t push it, giving her and Marlon a quick goodbye before heading out into the pub.

Chas had been right to assume Cain would call the Dingle clan. The number of people in the pub was much larger than it usually was in the early afternoon on a weekday. Chas was sitting at a table with Cain, Moira, Sam, and Lisa. Chas immediately waved Aaron over, but before he could get there, he was met by Diane, who stood behind the bar. She immediately came up to him and welcomed him back with a hug.

“Hello, pet! Great to see you! Chas mentioned you were getting back today - glad to have you. The house felt empty without ya.” She smiled at him, and handed him the pint she had been pouring. “On the house, pet. Just glad to have you.”

“Thanks Diane. It’s great to see you.” Aaron could feel his nervousness disappearing with each smile from someone new. There was no reason to be nervous at all. He took the pint, and sat down at the table next to Chas. 

“Welcome back, son!” Lisa smiled at him. “It’s good to see ya. You look great, like France has done you good.” 

“Not too much good, don’t want you going back now.” Chas added, trying to sound amused but not hiding the hesitation in her voice. She took a sip of her white wine and smiled at Aaron.

“Nah, France is great, but too many French people.” Aaron replied, sending a cheers at his mum. Maybe it had been harder on her than he thought, but he didn’t want to hide the fact that he was glad to be back. “Good to see you, Moira. Glad to see Cain has been able to keep you.”

“I think you’ll find I’m the one keeping him.” Moira said, and clinked her glass against Aaron’s. Chas snorted, and Cain took a surly sip of his pint. “Good to have you back Aaron.” Moira continued. “I texted Adam, he’ll be happy to see you.” Aaron nodded, keeping his hands occupied on his pint. Aaron looked up as his family, and asked the question he had been dreading since he arrived. 

“So, what’ve I missed? Any big news I haven’t heard yet?”

“A lot has changed love…” everyone around the table nodded. “Holly’s back, I told you that… Wiley’s is almost remodelled now, Katie’s thrilled. You know about Vic and Adam… Diane’s doing well after the cancer.”

“Didn’t know Diane was ill… I’m sorry to hear it.” Aaron said solemnly.

“She came through - she’s strong, Diane is... Oh! Katie and Andy got divorced.” Chas exclaimed, setting down her pint wine glass. “About half a year after you left.”

Aaron’s head went up at that. Andy and Katie, divorced? 

“What happened?” the surprise clear in Aaron’s voice. Andy had always said Katie was the love of his life, what could possibly have happened to pull them apart?

“He ran off. With Chrissie!” Cain added.

Aaron was unable to hide his shock. “You what?!” 

“Yeah.” Chas added. “Him and Chrissie started seeing each other a couple of months before Chrissie had little Sarah. Her marriage to Robert fell through quickly - don’t think it ever really worked between them.”

Aaron was shocked, his mind blank. None of it made sense when compared to the image he had held in his mind… How had this happened? And how was this the first he’d heard of it?

“Chrissie and Andy ran off to London about about eight months ago, around Christmas. Haven’t seen them since. Diane talks to Andy occasionally, but she isn’t too happy with him. Treating Katie like that, and them leaving poor Sarah!” Chas clicked her tongue. 

“Sarah?” Aaron asked, trying to mask his interest, his voice hoarse.

“Chrissie and Robert’s little girl. Almost one now, we’re celebrating her birthday in a couple weeks’ time.” Chas smiled.

Aaron swallowed, and gathered his thoughts long enough to ask “Where’s she now?” 

“Robert and Sarah live at Vic’s. They stay here once in awhile, but I think they’re happy there. Diane chips in with taking care of her, being a single parent takes its toll on a person.” Aaron looked back at Diane, serving a beer to a customer, his surprise growing. Vic and Adam living with Robert and a one year old? His attempt to process all of this wasn’t going too well. Robert? A single parent to a one year old girl? Something clicked - this had been what Vic meant then. The rest of the house meant Robert and Sarah.

“How… can you now have told me?” Aaron said, and Chas was taken back by the anger in his voice.

“I’m sorry, love, didn’t think to tell ya. You never cared for Robert in the past. Didn’t think you’d care now to be honest.” Chas said, a curious look crossing her features. She couldn’t know why Aaron reacted the way he did. But… of course he cared. Images of Robert flitted through his mind as he tried to piece this new reality together. Robert, well-dressed, eyes filled with lust grabbing Aaron to kiss him. Robert, smiling at him after Katie and Andy’s wedding. His features perfect, complemented by his maroon suit, his eyes gleaming while he eyed him up and down. Aaron shook himself out of his reverie, and took another sip of his beer.

“I had definitely not expected that..” he said, hoping the rest of the table didn’t notice how flustered he was. 

“He has really turned around, Robert has. Puts all his time into his daughter, when he isn’t working. I’m surprised at him, to be honest, didn’t think he had it in him.” Chas said, and the rest of the table nodded. Even Cain gave a brief nod before taking another sip of his beer. Aaron was stunned. Upon coming home, he had always pictured finding Robert settled with Chrissie and a child…

Before anyone could say anymore on the subject, the door opened and Adam walked in. Aaron waited in expectation of Adam’s greeting; afterwards he knew he shouldn’t have worried. Adam scanned the room and immediately spotted Aaron at the table. He walked over and smiled, 

“Come here, man!” he said loudly, opening his arms to hug Aaron. He got up, and they hugged, all awkwardness seemed gone. Adam had always been an easy person to be around, and Aaron smiled to think he hadn’t ruined their friendship while he was away. 

“Good to see you mate.” Aaron said as he returned the hug. “I’ve missed ya.”

“I always knew you were a soft lad.” Adam replied, grinning, and hitting him on the shoulder. “Are you going to buy me a pint or what?” Adam’s signature grin was still plastered to his face, and Aaron grinned right back.

Aaron walked up to the counter as ordered to pints for them, watching as Adam sat down next to his mother. Leaning against the bar, he looked at his family at the table. This picture was the reason why he had wanted to return; his family talking, laughing, joking. No drama. With his face turned towards the table, he didn’t notice the person who came up and stood next to him by the bar.

“Orange juice please, Diane.” 

Aaron froze. That voice. It had been 18 months since he had last heard it, but it still sent slight shivers down his spine.. He knew it from whispered conversations and secret meetings, moaning in his ear, or heated against his lips. Robert.   
“Sure, let me just get Aaron his pints first love, and I’ll get it for you.” Diane smiled at Aaron, who didn’t notice. He had turned around so he was facing the bar, and could see Robert out of the corner of his eyes. Willing his eyes to look straight ahead, he silently waited for his pints. He could feel Robert next to him, a hear emanating and Aaron clenched his fists.  _ I thought I was past this.  _ His mind went back to the last time they had spoken, after Robert had told him about Chrissie’s pregnancy and Aaron had told him he was leaving…. He was taken out of it by Diane placing two pints in front of him. With a nod at Diane, he took one in each hand and headed back to the table, not once casting a glance towards Robert.

“You picking up Sarah soon, pet?” Robert’s voice followed Aaron as he handed a pint to Adam, and sat down at the table. He snuck a glance at the bar while he took his first sip of his beer. Robert looked… the same. He looked good. It infuriated him. 

“I’m picking her up in half an hour, thought I would come and see how you were.” Robert replied. Aaron could see him looking over, and moved his gaze back to his table.

Robert sat down on a stool, and started talking to Diane. Aaron let his eyes wander, taking in the sight before him. His blonde hair was shorter, and slightly stiled in the front. He wore a tight-fitting black jumper with elbow-patches, that seemed to emphasise every muscle, and blue jeans that showed off his legs. Robert looked like himself, but something felt different… 

Aaron was roused out of his thoughts by Adam’s laughter, and tried to get back to the conversation, but found it hard to concentrate knowing Robert was sitting not five metres away. Robert. Why was he so jarred by this? 

“Mate, you got any job set up?” Adam asked him after taking a generous sip of his beer.

“Only just got back, haven’t gone out looking for anything.” Aaron replied, forcing his gaze not to wander.

“You should come and see how the scrapyard is doing mate. Robert runs it with me now, does the paperwork and the client stuff, but maybe we could get you back in, if you want.” Adam smiled infectiously, any hard feelings he might have felt after Aaron left forgotten. 

Cain looked from Adam to Aaron. “I was going to offer you something at the garage, if you wanted it.” Aaron looked at Adam, who shrugged. 

“I’ll have a think, yeah? Want to arrive and get back on my feet first.” Cain nodded, and Aaron took another sip of his pint. Adam nudged him on the arm, and gave him a smile.

“We’ll find ya something mate, I’m sure.” Aaron smiled back, eyes flickering to the bar as Robert laughed at something Diane had said. 

The conversation moved to the rest of the Dingle clan, with Aaron largely staying out of it. He focussed on keeping his eyes away from straying to Robert sitting at the bar, drinking a small glass of orange juice. Aaron forced himself to not notice that Robert must have worked out in the past couple of months, because his muscles seemed more defined than they had. He also didn’t notice how Robert’s hand was missing a wedding ring, and definitely didn’t notice those hands holding the glass of juice. He almost dropped his pint when Adam nudged his elbow into his side, looking at him weirdly.

“You alright, mate?” Adam asked, concern in his eyes.

“Yeah, just tired. Long journey, that’s all.” Aaron set down his beer. “Need to start getting used to being around you lot again.” Adam nodded.

“Ah good.” Adam went back to his pint, as if nothing had happened. Well, nothing had happened. Aaron had just seen Robert Sugden again. Robert looked at his wristwatch and paid for his juice before saying goodbye to Diane and grabbing his jacket. He threw a glance at Aaron before he walked out of the door, and Aaron thought he saw a smile across Robert’s lips as he looked his way. In an instant, it was gone, and Robert had left the pub. Aaron was left sitting with his family, dumbstruck, unable to comprehend what had just happened, or why he was so rattled by it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now almost everything is set up, the chapter will probably be a bit longer from now on. My writing is still a bit rusty, but I hope it will get better as I write more. I hope you enjoy it - leave comments and kudos and whatnot! Love you all for reading this <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron settles in to life in Emmerdale, but his past still haunts him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly am rubbish at summaries. Enjoy!

Aaron woke the next morning with a start, briefly forgetting where he was. For so long he had been moving from place to place, living out of his suitcase and never truly having a home. He hadn’t slept so well in ages. He got up and put one a pair of tracksuit bottoms before he went downstairs. Chas was sitting at the table, drinking a cup of tea and absentmindedly reading a magazine. She looked up as soon as she saw Aaron come into the room, and immediately got up and went to the kitchen.

“Breakfast, love?” She smiled and started getting things out of the fridge.

“Go on then.” He sat down, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. He made himself a cup of tea, and sat back down, enjoying the smell of bacon on the stove.

“Sleep well?”

“Yeah, I did.” He smiled. “It’s good to be home.” Chas smiled at him quickly, before focussing on the food.

“I know you’re not one to talk about it all… but if you ever feel like there’s something you need to tell me about you leaving, you know you can come to me, right?”

Aaron was silent. He hadn’t really told anyone why he had left. It had happened so quickly, and he couldn’t tell anyone the real reason. Only one other person knew. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at her, happy to see her again, sorry for time lost.

“I can’t tell ya, mum, but I’m ok.” He said, revealing as little as possible.

“I just don’t want to come home one day and find ya gone..”

“I know mum. It won’t happen.”

“Sure?” She asked, looking at him with skepticism.

“Sure.” He nodded, taking a sip of his tea.

“Good.” She said, and continued making breakfast. “Now, any plans for today?”

“Not sure, to be honest. Might have lunch with Vic, catch up with her.” They had always been close, and he wanted to hear all about her life now. Married to Adam, living with Robert… It had to be a mouthful.

“Sounds great, love.” Chas was silent, before continuing on a solemn note. “I’m so glad you’re back, son.” He looked up at her, and replied honestly.

“Me too, mum.”

 

Lunch with Vic turned out to be a great plan. He had forgotten how much he had missed her - she had always been a powerhouse, and that hadn’t been dampened by her marriage to Adam. Far from it. They sat in the pub while Marlon worked the kitchen. It was a slow day, so Vic took a longer break than usual, and Marlon didn’t seem to mind. They were enjoying some fish and chips, and Vic was telling him all about their rushed wedding a few months earlier.

“We originally thought we’d only have Finn, Robert and Sarah there, but in the end, Diane, Moira, and Cain found out. We had a great little ceremony. Pity I had to change out of my dress to go to court, but in the end it all went well.”

“Sounds mad. Sorry I wasn’t there.”

“As were we. We needed ya. But it was such short notice, you wouldn’t have been able to make it… And we didn’t really have a sure way of contacting ya. You’re here now though.” She squeezed his arm, and smiled at him.

“Now you’re not only you and Adam, but Robert and his daughter living with you too.” He added, taking a bite out of a chip. She sighed heavily, but was still smiling.

“Yeah, we’re a bit crowded, but Sarah’s adorable. She has a strong set of lungs, and we don’t always get a lot of sleep, but I like having them there.”

“Good.

“And Robert’s great with her. He has been so great this past year.” She took out her phone and started flicking through it.

“That boring, am I?” Aaron joked.

“Trying to find… here we are!” She turned the phone around and showed a picture of  Vic holding little Sarah in her arms. “She’s just the cutest.” Aaron nodded, unable to speak. She was beautiful. She had Robert’s eyes. He gulped.

“You should come and meet her. I know you and Robert never really got on, but he’s better now. Much happier than he was with Chrissie. Don’t think he was ever really happy with her - I think it was mostly the money he was after to be honest, but he’s changed now that he has Sarah to look after.”

Aaron swallowed. Happier without Chrissie? That didn’t sound like the Robert he knew. That Robert had clung to the status and lifestyle he had with Chrissie. Aaron never really knew why he had kept going back to him, when he had everything he ever wanted with Chrissie. That was one of the reasons Aaron had left - he had known Robert would never leave the comforts of his life at Home Farm.

“Adam acts as if he hates it, but I’ve caught him playing with Sarah enough times now to know he’s lying. Him and Robert may have rubbed each other the wrong way the first few months, living and working the same place, but they seem good now.” She smiled, and looked happy.

“Glad to hear it, Vic. Though I’m still surprised you can bare to be married to Adam!” She laughed, but was interrupted by Adam walking towards them.

“Oi, mate, what are you saying about me?”

“Nothing mate, nothing that isn’t true at least.” He grinned.

“As if you wouldn’t marry him if he went that way.” Vic countered, sliding her arm around Adam’s waist.

“Not my type, mate.” Aaron got a customary nudge on the shoulder. Adam gave Vic a kiss, and sat down next to her.

“Heard you and Vic were meeting without me, wanted to come and make sure you were behaving.” Adam stole a chip from Aaron’s plate, earning him a slap on the shoulder from Vic.

“We’re doing good, Vic’s just catching me up on your living conditions mate. Must be hard with a 1 year old sleeping next door.”

“It’s not all bad. Most nights she’s calm, but when she cries, she could wake the whole village.”

“When did Robert move in then?” Aaron asked tentatively.

“April last year?” Vic said, and Adam nodded.

“Didn’t take long for him and Chrissie to break up.. Though I can’t blame him, she’s a piece of work man.”

Aaron grabbed another chip in an attempt to seem indifferent. Chrissie and Robert had broken up that quickly? What the hell had happened?

“Right mate, why don’t we meet at ours sometime in the next couple of days, and we can walk to the scrapyard, and then have a pint after?” Adam looked at Aaron openly, no hint of a grudge.

“Sounds good.” Aaron replied, happy to spend some more time with Adam.

 

\----------------------------

 

The sun was shining through thin clouds as Aaron made his way back to the pub after a cup of coffee at the café. It had been a few days since he had come home, and he had successfully avoided Robert. He hadn’t learned much more about the circumstances surrounding Robert and Chrissie’s break-up, instead doing his very best to settle back into life in Emmerdale. He had unpacked his stuff, and got used to living in his old room again. He was surprised at how quickly it felt like home again, the familiarity of Emmerdale giving way to familiar routines. He got his coffee at the café, his pints at the pub, had tea with Diane and Chas, but he hadn’t ventured up to the scrapyard or gone by Victoria’s. He didn’t want to run into Robert until he knew how he felt about … everything.

Aaron zipped up his black hoodie, despite the warm weather, and headed for Keeper’s. Adam had mentioned that he would be home around 3pm, and then they would make their way to the scrapyard, so he thought by making it there 20 past, he would be sure Adam was home. A light drizzle of rain had started to fall, and Aaron pulled up his hood and sped up. Maybe just the pub then for a meal. He found himself looking forward to it either way - Adam was still the person he felt most comfortable around. He took the steps to Keeper’s two at a time, and knocked on the door. After a short wait, the door was opened by a tired-looking Robert.

“Hi.” Robert’s untucked shirt was slightly rumpled, and he had a baby blanket slung over one shoulder. He looked surprised - just as surprised as Aaron was to see him. “What…”

“Is Adam around?” Aaron said quickly, “I’m not here for you.” Robert looked back when a cry came from the kitchen.

“He isn’t home yet. You’re welcome to come in and wait for him.. If you want. I’ve got my hands full so I won’t be in your way.” Robert opened the door further, and let Aaron in. He nodded, and walked past Robert into the living room. He heard the door close behind him, and Robert walked through to take his daughter in his arms.

“Aaron, meet Sarah.” Robert said, looked down at his daughter, who smiled at Aaron with big beautiful green eyes. Her blonde hair had a little blue clip in it. She was the spitting image of her father. “Sarah, this is Aaron…” Robert looked up and met Aaron’s eye, who quickly looked away.

“She’s gorgeous.” Aaron said sternly, conveying as little emotion as possible.

“Yeah, she is.” Robert smiled, and grabbed her outstretched hand. “Adam should be home soon. She needs to be fed. Make yourself at home.” He walked away with Sarah in his arms.

Aaron sat down on the couch, and ran his hands over his face. He sat in silent thought for five minutes, listening to the small murmurs and laughter coming from the kitchen. It didn’t have to be this awkward. Couldn’t they just… be friends? They would have to live in the same small town anyway. They were going to bump into each other. _Aaron, we can still do this, you and me. It changes nothing, I still…_ Aaron forced the memory away, pressing it deep into the hole that was reserved for memories like that. He shook his head, and before he really knew what he was doing he got up and walked into the kitchen. Robert was kneeling in front of his daughter, wiping her face and looking at her with adoration. She was grinning and reaching out for him, giggling loudly. Robert turned his head and noticed Aaron. His countenance changed, the happy grin replaced by a solemn, strained smile. He straightened and threw away the tissue.

“How’re you doing?” Aaron asked tentatively, trying to figure out Robert’s feelings while also sussing out his own.

“I’m doing good, yeah..” Robert swallowed, stroking Sarah’s head. “As long as she’s happy and healthy I have nothing to complain about.” He smiled at his daughter, who giggled and looked up at him adoringly.

“That’s.. Good. You look good.” Aaron thought he saw Robert smile before he looked down at Sarah’s face embarrassed at his admission. He had never been able to hide anything from him.

“Look, Robert…” Aaron started, but was cut off.

“You don’t have to do this, Aaron.” Robert said curtly, leaning against the kitchen counter. Aaron crossed his arms and looked directly at him, for once not avoiding his gaze.

“Do what?”

“Whatever it is you’re going to do. Apologise, talk about France, let me know how sorry you are for things turning out this way… any of that. I’m happy where I am.” The silence that followed was only broken by small noises from Sarah. “I don’t want your pity.”

“I wasn’t…” Aaron stammered, unsure what he was going to say. Whatever it was between them was unfinished, a tether linking them together whenever they were in the same room. Clarification, that was what he needed.

“It’s fine.” Robert sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. “You left, and I’m over it. Us.” Aaron swallowed and looked down at the floor. “You don’t have to feel any guilt, Sarah and I are happy and this,” he indicated the two of them, “was a long time ago. It - we - were barely anything, so you don’t have to make a fuss about it.” There was barely a hint of emotion in his voice as he said it, and Aaron flinched.

“I weren’t. I just…” Aaron stopped, and looked up. Robert was looking at him with complete indifference, and it _hurt._ It felt like the hole that in his chest that had been there for so long, he barely noticed it anymore, had expanded. He cleared his throat, and looked away. “Right.” Clarification, that was what he wanted. He was regretting it already. Aaron couldn’t be there anymore. Couldn’t look at Robert. Instead, he pressed his lips together and nodded before walking through to the front door, throwing his hoodie up over his head. His eyes stung as he opened the front door and walked out, his mind filled with images of Robert. Their first kiss, their kiss in the garage, Robert hugging him, the meetings in the barn, the hotel room, the investment… It was a flood of kisses, caresses, tender looks and Aaron couldn’t take it. _We were barely anything._ Those words cut, severing the joy he had seen in those memories, making them painful, and making his eyes blurry. He was thankful that it was still raining. Ahead, Adam hurried towards him, looking apologetically at Aaron. They met on the pavement just outside of Keeper’s. Aaron had never been one for emotion, attempting to hide his face from Adam under his hoodie.

“Pub?” Aaron said, steering the conversation to one thing that would help his mood: Alcohol.

“Right, I’ll be there soon yeah, just need to change my clothes.” He pointed at his jeans. “Got soaked on my way home.”

Aaron nodded and stalked off towards the pub, his footsteps muted in the rain.

 

Adam found him in the back room, one pint in, looking surly. He was staring at his hands, lost in thought until Adam sat down next to him and looked at him with concern.

“Mate.” Adam nudged his shoulder. “You would tell me if something was up, yeah?”

Aaron didn’t reply, instead grabbing his pint and taking a sip.

“I wouldn’t think less of ya, and you’ve been through the ringer already…” Adam stopped before getting too close to sore subjects.

“I’ll be fine.” Aaron concluded, setting his pint down and looking at Adam. “I can’t tell you, but it’s not serious, and I’ll be fine.”

“Say it again, mate, you’ve almost got yourself convinced.” Adam patted his knee. “Come on, another one of those might help ya.” Aaron nodded and smiled a smile that never reached his eyes.

They walked through to the pub, and Aaron sat down as Adam bought them two pints. Aaron didn’t understand why he was so flustered. Sure, they had history, but Aaron had been gone for a year and a half, with no word, no contact at all. There was no logical reason for Aaron to feel what he was feeling. He had had no problems getting over Ed, why did this seem that much harder? _Maybe because you’re not over him._ Aaron shook his head, trying to force the thought away. He couldn’t be. Was he? _Fuck._ The realisation hit him like a truck - he had been gone for so long, but he still wasn’t over Robert Sugden. At this point he didn’t know when he ever would be. The hole is his chest grew, he ran his hands over his hair, and he couldn’t fight the feeling that it rang true.

Adam set down the pints and sat down next to him, distracting him from his epiphany. They talked over a few more beers, and Vic made them some food. Aaron knew he should be enjoying himself, and all of it was almost enough to make Aaron forget. Almost.

“Right, mate… it’s getting late.” Adam downed the rest of his pint, and smiled at Aaron. “Wife wants me back home.” His grin was making Aaron feel at home again, almost as if the time hadn’t passed and he hadn’t left their business.

“Yeah it is, you’ve got a long day tomorrow.” Aaron smirked at Adam, who had his ever-constant grin plastered to his face.

“Yeah yeah...Look, why don’t you come by the day after tomorrow instead? Should have the portacabin to myself, Robert’s working from home that day, I can show you around?”

“I’ll be there.” Aaron nodded, and they said goodbye.

Aaron didn’t get up. Instead, Diane came over with another pint for him, and he got lost in thought. His mind inevitably wandered back to Robert. He kept replaying their kisses, seeing them in this new light of nothing. Had it been nothing? His stomach turned. If it had, why was he sitting the Woolpack, with a knot in his stomach, examining every moment they had shared. He sipped his beer, going through it all - every caress, every heated moment. Aaron had tried to hide from it, but it was becoming increasingly obvious to him that even though he hadn’t admitted it to Robert, he had loved him. They had never said it, but that didn’t make it less true. Maybe he still did. His thoughts were becoming muddled by the alcohol, but he couldn’t deny it. He still loved Robert Sugden. It angered him - how dare Robert Sugden still occupy his deepest, darkest thoughts. How dare he turn Aaron into a snivelling mess, wrecking his heart not once, but twice, in two years. With every sip of his pint, Aaron became more furious, Robert’s comments crashing against Aaron’s skull, repeating themselves over and over. _You left. I’m over it. We were barely anything._ He remembered Robert’s wedding day, and the anger he had felt then. They had had a meeting, but Robert had never shown. Aaron now knew it was because Chrissie had called and told Robert the good news of her pregnancy. Aaron had been alone at Wiley’s, until it became clear Robert wasn’t coming. He had stayed at Wiley's for too long, before going home and burying himself in a bottle. 

The next few days had been hell. Robert and Chrissie left on their honeymoon, which had helped. He had felt alright, until they had come back and Aaron had heard the news; Chrissie was pregnant. Robert had contacted him, wanting to see him and talk to him. Aaron had made the decision to leave, too pained by seeing them together as a happy family and not wanting to cause himself unnecessary pain. He wasn’t a homewrecker, and they deserved a chance to give their child a proper home… And now he came back to this? The marriage dissolved, Robert taking care of the child alone, and he was meant to believe it had all been for nothing?

Before he knew what he was doing, he was out of the pub and walking towards Keeper’s. He ran up the steps, his mind clear though affected by the alcohol. Was the world usually this blurry? He knocked on the door, and hoped Robert was the one to open.

“Aaron?” Robert’s confused voice stuck out in the silence. Aaron gathered himself together, and looked Robert right in the eye.

“How dare you! How are you make this nothing. I left, because of you, because I couldn’t stand the thought of seeing you with her, every day, and you tell me it’s nothing? I spent months away from my family, leaving it all behind me, and I come back, and you tell me it was all for nothing?! I can’t get you out of my head, but it doesn’t matter, it’s all nothing!” His blood boiled, his anger growing with every second.

“No, that's not what I meant."

"What then? Because it seemed pretty clear to me that to you, this," he indicated as Robert had, "is nothing!"

No, Aaron, I..” Robert’s eyes faltered, and went to Aaron’s lips. Everything changed. Aaron knew the alcohol was taking over, but made no attempt to stop it when he felt his body move forwards, surging to grab Robert’s head and press their lips together. _Fuck_. Their bodies reacted to the contact instantly, Robert pressing Aaron against the wall and opening his mouth to let his tongue swipe across Aaron’s bottom lip. Aaron heard Robert moan, and pulled him closer by the waist. Aaron pushed him, pressing Robert against the opposite wall, the open door forgotten. Aaron pressed their bodies together and felt his tongue press against Robert’s. It was everything he remembered it to be. This couldn’t be nothing. He felt desire pooling in his stomach, but before he could savour the moment, Robert pushed him off, and straightened his shirt.

“Aaron, we can’t..” Robert’s eyes were dark with lust, but he walked away and into the living room. Aaron looked at him, his confusion clear on his face. “I can’t. You need to leave.”

“You what?” Aaron drew a hand across his wet lips.

“We can’t do this. You need to go.” Robert looked at him apologetically, but with certainty.

Aaron looked at him, and shook his head. What had just happened?

“Please, Aaron. Just go.” Robert ran a hand through his tussled hair. “I need to check on my daughter.”

“Right.” Aaron said, lust and desire dissipating, giving way to confusion and hurt. “I’ll see you around.” Aaron gave Robert a last look before walking out of the still open door, into the darkness and towards the Woolpack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, so this chapter is slightly longer than the previous ones. I'm busy with uni and stuff, so I don't know when the next update will be... I hope you like this chapter, I know I enjoyed writing it. Leave kudos and comments, I love hearing what you guys think! <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapters are becoming longer and longer.. I hope you enjoy this one! :)

Robert closed the door behind Aaron, dumbstruck. He could still feel Aaron’s lips on his, and felt the familiar surge of want that had been absent in his life for so long. It had been so long since he had any contact of that type, and Aaron kissing him brought it back. He had missed Aaron when he had left, and had sulked for months without anyone knowing why, but then Chrissie had left Sarah with him, and he had forced those feeling away, pushing them down and internalising any remnant of his attraction. He couldn’t deny that the image of Aaron had entered his mind, sometimes in his dreams, sometimes in the shower, images of heated moments and rough kisses, but he hadn’t allowed it to be any more than that. It was just a quick way to get rid of pent up stress, nothing more. It had stayed as such until a few days ago. Aaron had come back, and he couldn’t deny that he had thought of him more since his return, but Robert had too much to lose; his job, his family, and his daughter were too important to him. His feelings for Aaron, whatever they had been, were irrelevant now. No matter the thoughts in his head, he didn’t think Aaron would still affect him in this way. Clearly, he had been wrong. He sat down on the couch in Vic’s living room, and ran his hands over his face. _What had just happened?_ Aaron kissing him, still wanting him, hadn’t been how he imagined his evening going. Could Aaron still .. feel the same way about him? That kiss had been dangerous, and amazing, and terrifying, and had opened doors that he had closed long ago - he couldn’t let it happen again. Robert could still feel the taste of beer from Aaron’s lips and mouth. He shook his head, and sighed; he needed to forget the feeling of Aaron Dingle’s lips on his. His hands around his waist. His hips grinding into his…

His reverie was broken by a gurgle coming from the baby monitor. Robert started, but a smile tugged at his lips. Sarah was the most important thing in his life. He had never imagined he would be able to feel the love he felt for Sarah - all-consuming, caring, parental love. It had taken some getting used to, but he finally had the family he always wanted - if a little unconventional. He felt his heart soar as he quietly walked upstairs and into his and Sarah’s shared room. Keeper’s cottage was quite small, and they were a bit cramped, but they made do. At some point they would have to find somewhere new, but so far, they were doing great at Vic’s. He found her awake, but not crying, and she smiled when she saw him. Robert picked her up and held her close. He heard footsteps coming from Vic and Adam’s bedroom, and watched as Vic opened the door and peeked her head out.

“Was that someone at the door?” she asked quietly, eyes tired and small. He could hear Adam snoring lightly from the opened door. Robert held Sarah tight.

“No, I was watching a bit of telly, that’s all.” he replied quietly, feeling Sarah move in his arms. He looked down and smiled. She murmured and grabbed for his chin, her arms not long enough to reach, and instead Robert gave her his finger.

“Alright.” Vic mumbled, before whispering “good night,” as she closed the door. When Vic was gone he looked down at his daughter and felt her squeeze his finger in her tiny hand.

“Your daddy has done something stupid, my love.” He said to Sarah quietly. She smiled and yawned in reply. “He’s going to keep you safe though. You’re the most important thing to him.” He kissed her cheek, and saw she was close to falling asleep again. He gently put her down in her cot, and tucked her back under her blanket. Robert couldn’t stand the thought of jeopardising her in any way. Aaron had almost seemed fictional for the past year; a relationship that had occurred in another life, in secret, and without consequences. That wasn’t Robert’s reality anymore. He couldn’t risk it, he had too much to lose. He felt a sadness he couldn’t quite place, and Robert raised his left hand to his lips, as if he could still feel the touch of Aaron, before pulling his hand down to his side. He had more important things to worry about, and with his right hand, he stroked Sarah’s cheek briefly, and whispered gently to her before she fell asleep.

“Sleep well, darling Sarah.”

 

Aaron walked straight for the pub, his feet moving independent of his body, bringing him home as quickly as possible. He walked into the back room, and found Chas waiting for him there.

“Where did you go off to?” She asked kindly, seeing the sour look on his face.

“Nowhere.” He replied, grabbing a glass of water. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” He needed to be alone, to think this all through. He vaulted the stairs in his slightly intoxicated state, and walked straight into his room.

There was no denying it - he definitely still wanted Robert. Feeling his lips of his own had been exhilarating, bringing him back to the months of their affair. Nothing in that sense had changed. But did Robert even still want him? Had he just reacted in the moment? Why did he have to kiss him? He sighed and lay his head in his hands. The instinct to run away coursed through Aaron’s body. Leaving, leaving Robert, and leaving it all behind him was so tempting. He almost grabbed a bag and started packing. But then he thought of his mum, and Vic and Adam, his family, and knew it wouldn’t make him happy. Instead, he remained seated on his bed, breathing deeply, taking it one second at a time.

_It was nothing._

_He doesn’t want you._

_Forget about Robert._

_Forget about his lips._

_Forget that you want him._

Aaron slept fitfully that night, tossing and turning in his bed, drifting in and out of sleep. When he finally woke up, he had slept well into the morning and had a throbbing headache. The beers from the night before had definitely left their mark; his stomach was reeling. His mood wasn’t improved by the sudden remembrance of what had happened. He had clearly been more drunk that he had thought. Surging forward to kiss Robert, when he didn’t even know if Robert still wanted him. He remembered Robert pressing against him, moaning and grinding and… he sighed. There was no use. Robert had pushed him away, made it clear that he didn’t want him. Sober, Aaron knew he had been way out of line. Going to Robert’s house in the middle of the night, kissing him without warning. He had his head in his hands, and guilt flowed through him. He needed to apologise.

He took a shower, letting the water run over his head, soothing his headache. He stayed in there until the water turned cold, lost in thought. The water lessened his hangover, but not his regret. After the shower, he went to his bedroom and sat down on his bed. An apology. He would apologise, make it clear that it had been a mistake, but what then? The thought of Robert’s lips on his was still fresh in his mind, sending a slight shiver down his spine. Instinctively he knew staying away from Robert was going to be hard, but it had to be done. It was a small town, but they would have to stay out of each other’s way.

It was past 12 when Aaron made it down the stairs, a sour look still on his face. The pub was open, but Chas was sitting in the kitchen having lunch, and gave a surprised look when he came down.

“Didn’t know when you’d be down today. How’s the head?” His reply was silent, a quick shake of the head that made his eyes throb. She got up and took down a glass before looking back at Aaron. “Water, love?”

“Cheers.” He sat down at the table.

“You going to tell me what last night was about?” She asked, placing the glass in front of him. Aaron took a generous sip of his water. She shrugged, and looked at him sternly from across the table. “Suit yourself. You know you can always come to me if you want to chat.”

“I know.” He said and smiled. He drank the last of his water, before looking at his watch. “I’m meeting Adam for lunch.” He added, and Chas smiled back at him.

“Go on, love. I’ll be out in a minute.”

He smiled at her, and walked towards the door.

“Mum?” His voice was rough from the night before.

“Yes love?”

“I’m not going anywhere.” He smiled and walked out to meet Adam.

 

Adam was cheerful as always, giving a shout as soon as he saw Aaron come out from the back of the pub.

“There he is!” Adam’s voice rang out over the pub, making Aaron flinch.

“Mate, not so loud.” He grinned, instantly distracted by Adam’s happiness.

“Not doing too good this morning, bro?” Adam grinned a knowing smile, and Aaron nodded slightly, his head not appreciating the movement.

“I guess I had one too many… or ten.” Aaron stood next to Adam by the bar, who immediately looked to Diane.

“Two pints, Diane.” Adam teased, immediately interrupted by Aaron’s protests.

“Nah, mate, not for me… I think I’d better stick to water.”

“Who said it was for you?” Adam joked, before asking Diane for a pint and a glass of water.

“I’ll get it now, you two sit down, I’ll bring it over.” Diane kindly suggested.

“Thanks Diane.” Aaron smiled at her before walking over to a small table and sitting down across from Adam.

“Going to have some food as well, or will that end badly?” Adam jested, and Aaron grinned.

“Some chips might do me some good.”

“Good man!” Adam patted him on the shoulder.

When the food and drinks had arrived, Aaron felt his stomach settle, and his headache was starting to subside. Adam made jokes about Aaron’s hangover, making Aaron laugh and clutch his forehead in pain, making Adam grin even more. Aaron couldn’t help laughing with him, no matter how much pain it currently caused. When the laughter subsided, Aaron saw a more serious look in Adam’s eye.

“What?” He asked cautiously.

“You gonna tell me what that was about yesterday, mate?” Adam looked at him while he took a sip from his pint. Aaron’s smile faded, and he brought his eyes down to the table. “I know you said you can’t say, but… You seemed a bit out of it mate. Don’t tell me anything if you don’t want, but you know I’m here for ya.” Adam’s voice was imploring, his eyes concerned. Aaron sighed, and looked up at Adam’s kind face.

“Before I left…” he began, keeping both hands firmly around his now empty glass of water. “Before I left, there was a bloke,” Adam nodded in affirmation, smiling, but didn’t say a word. “I was seeing this bloke. It was all a secret, he was getting married to a woman,” Aaron saw realisation dawn on his face, and his smile falter. Aaron continued, ”and he was terrified of people finding out he was sleeping with a guy. It all got too much - knowing I was always just going to be a bit on the side. I left because I couldn’t take it anymore.” Adam nodded, and took a sip of his drink.

“So.. that’s why you left for France?” Adam looked at Aaron, who nodded. “Mate, why didn’t ya say anything?”

“I couldn’t. It was all secret, and if people found out, it would’ve been bad. Paddy was the only one who knew I was seeing someone, but he didn’t know who it was, and I couldn’t tell _anyone._ Him and his woman got married and were being a little family and I couldn’t handle it. So I left.”

“I’m guessing you’re not going to tell me who this bloke was?” Adam guessed, and Aaron nodded.

“It doesn’t matter anyway. It’s done now...” Aaron took another bite of his burger, but Adam gave Aaron an inquisitive look.

“What does this have to do with yesterday?”

“What d’ya mean?”

“Well, all that was 18 months ago. Why are you telling me now?” Adam inquired.

“I ran into him yesterday. It didn’t end well. I hate it, how it still affects me. I thought I had moved past this, but I haven’t and… ” Aaron faltered, feeling embarrassed, but Adam just smiled at him kindly.

“Is he still with the woman?” Adam asked quietly, gauging Aaron’s reaction.

“They split up.”

“Mate, why don’t you get in there? If he’s single and you’re here..” Adam grinned hopefully, but Aaron shook his head.

“Nah, mate. He doesn’t want me. Told me as much yesterday, told me we were nothing. I just want to leave it be, but… he’s still in here” He lifted his hand to his chest, and looked at Adam. “I just need to forget him.” Adam nodded, and Aaron gave him a small smile.

“Sounds like you were in deep, bro.” Aaron’s lack of a reply was response enough. “He’s an idiot if he doesn’t want you. I’m here for ya, whenever you need to forget this muppet You know I’m free for a pint most days.” He said, and Aaron thanked him quietly.

“I think you should come by the scrapyard tomorrow…” Adam said suddenly. Aaron bit his lip and nodded.

“Alright. I’ll come by tomorrow and we can have a look at things.”

Adam gave him an appraising look, and Aaron could only smile back.

“I’ve had a couple of people help out over the last year, but nothing permanent. The workload is really growing, and I think Robert and I could both use a hand. If you’re up for it… you’re always welcome up there for a bit of hard graft.” Adam’s sincerity was touching, and Aaron couldn’t help feel a lump grow in his throat.

“Alright. I’ll be there tomorrow and we’ll talk it through. Would be good to have something to do now I’m back.” He set the now warm glass down on the table, before smiling at Adam.

“For good?” Adam asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, for good.” Aaron grinned, as Adam let out an infectious laugh.

“Yes, bro! Good to have ya mate.”

 

The next day brought cloudy weather to the village, but warm temperatures. Aaron woke up excited to visit Adam at the yard. He and Adam had started the business with intentions of working together all along, and it didn’t seem that Adam resented him for leaving. His chat with Adam the day before had improved his mood - he hadn’t realised how much keeping the secret of why he left was affecting him, and how much he had worried about Adam’s response. With every passing day he felt more like he had made the right decision in coming home. He just had one mistake left to correct...

After lunch, Aaron found himself walking through the village towards Keeper’s. When he got the front door, he took a deep breath, running it all through his head and readying himself for seeing Robert. A knot had formed in his stomach as he came closer to the door, and standing in front of the door it seemed almost crushing. After a few steely breaths, he walked up to the steps and knocked. He knew Vic was at work, and that Adam was at the scrapyard, and counted on the fact that what Adam had told him was true; Robert was working from home. He heard a muffled voice, before the door was opened, and Robert stood in front of him. Aaron wasn’t sure he would ever get used to seeing Robert like this - in his pyjama bottoms and socks, with a white t-shirt on, and his hair ruffled. He had always loved seeing the side of Robert that no one else saw during the affair, and the sight now made his mind go blank. Robert looked surprised, his eyebrows crawling up under his small fringe, and stared at Aaron for a few seconds before speaking.

“Hi.” He said, not moving from the doorway. “I wasn’t expecting anyone..”

“Hi.” Aaron said, his nerves having blanked his brain, his hands rubbing together in a nervous tick. A silence settled between them, and Robert looked at him expectantly. Aaron cleared his throat and continued.

“I wanted to… apologise.” Robert continued to look down at him, not moving an inch. “About the other day.” Aaron added, forcing his hands to his sides, fists clenched.

“Right.” Robert replied, his eyes tearing away from Aaron’s face before he moved back. “You’d better come in then.”

Aaron nodded, and walked through the doorway, ignoring the pull towards Robert, forcing himself to avoid looking at him as he walked by. This was going to be harder than he thought. He walked through to the living room, and sat down on the sofa. Robert walked to the kitchen, and Aaron heard him speaking to Sarah in a low voice, checking on her. Aaron felt his leg twitching, and his hands were fidgeting. Robert came back out, and sat down on the coffee table, setting a few feet between Aaron and himself.

“I’m so sorry,” Aaron started, bringing a hand to his hair and trying to calm his beating heart, “I shouldn’t’ve kissed ya like that, I should’ve … I… “ He faltered, and looked up at Robert, whose expression was unreadable. “I had had a few pints, and you really hit a nerve, and I don’t know why it happened,” _lie_ , “but it did.” He stammered, resting his hands in his lap. His leg had stopped moving. He took a deep breath, and continued. “All those things I said, I didn’t mean them. A lot has happened in the past 18 months, and I shouldn’t’ve presumed that you still wanted…” he looked down at his hands, and got the last word out, “me.” He stopped talking, looking intently on his hands while waiting for some kind of response.

“Right. Thanks, for saying that.” Robert acknowledged, his arms crossed over his chest. “I should apologise as well. I didn’t exactly say the nicest things to you… I was surprised to see you yesterday, and I didn’t want your pity. That’s all I’ve gotten from people since Chrissie left. I’ve changed in the past 18 months, and seeing brought back the old me, not in a good way.” Robert added, and Aaron swallowed. He couldn’t help thinking that Robert looked nervous. He bit his lip. “In any case,” Robert continued, “I know that what we had wasn’t nothing. I shouldn’t have said it. It was a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.” Aaron nodded, and tried to wrap his mind around it all.

“I was there to see Adam. I hadn’t expected to see you alone.” Aaron bit his lip, and Robert’s eyes flickered. Aaron stopped, and brought his elbows to rest on his knees. “I am sorry, you know… I thought that by leaving, you three could be happy.” Robert nodded and smiled a knowing smile.

“It didn’t work between me and Chrissie because I didn’t love her, not because I…” Robert faltered, and Aaron looked down at the floor. “In any case,” Robert continued, “I am happy, I’ve got Sarah to look after.”

“I’m glad to hear it. You look happy.” Aaron admitted, before rubbing his hands over his head. “Look, I think after yesterday, it’s best if I just… stay away from ya.” Aaron finally added, breaking the silence that had settled between them.

“Don’t do it for my sake.” Robert’s voice was small. “It’ll be hard, won’t it? Small village like this?” Robert replied, the question making Aaron squirm slightly. Of course it would be hard.

“Nothing about this is easy..” Aaron whispered, and Robert looked at him steadily, before turning his head to look at the wall, seemingly admiring a painting that had hung there since Vic moved in. Aaron noticed that his leg was bouncing again, and tried to ignore it. He leaned back in the sofa, trying to relax, but his body was tense, as if constantly aware of Robert’s presence, always feeling him in the room.

“Alright. I won’t stay away. I’m best friends with your brother-in-law after all.” Robert’s face seemed to soften at this.

“I don’t want to cause trouble between you. If we just carry on as if nothing has happened, they won’t ever have to know and... we can be friends again?” Robert said and looked at Aaron, who had his arms crossed over his chest, and was biting his lip.

“We were never friends.” Aaron said harshly before looking at the floor again.

“We can become friends then… We’ll be living so close to each other, you’re best friends with my brother-in-law, and I’d like to be your friend.” Aaron could see vulnerability in Robert, reminding him of the moments during the affair where Aaron had known he could fall for Robert. Aaron imagined it. Casually texting Robert, not having to meet in secret for cup of coffee, or a pint.. Can you be friends with someone you want to forget? The image seemed impossible, but maybe? Maybe it was better to have him in his life as a friend, than to not have him in it at all. Aaron nodded, and Robert smiled at him.

“I’ve got to check on Sarah, but I can make us a brew if you want?” Robert’s friendly voice made Aaron’s stomach clench. He briefly looked up at him, and gave a quick smile.

“Nah, I’m good thanks. Need to go and meet Adam.”

“Oh right, at the scrapyard. He told me about that. Well…” he faltered, and a silence stretched once more between them, no longer stifled by memories of the past, but made peaceful by their truce. The anxious tension was gone, and they briefly settled into the comfort of it, before Robert cleared his throat and pointed to the kitchen. “I’d best go and check on Sarah.” Aaron nodded, and got up. “I’ll see you around, then?” Robert added, and once again, Aaron nodded. They looked at each other, both wondering whether to shake hands, or hug, or anything, before Aaron made the decision and just walked out of the room. He didn’t pause before he had made it to the scrapyard, lost in thought.

 

That afternoon, Aaron once again found himself next to Adam in the pub. They were celebrating. After Aaron had walked up to the scrapyard, they had talked for 5 minutes before agreeing to work together again. Adam was, as always, smiling and welcoming, eager to have Aaron close to him again. Aaron hadn’t been able to say no. If Aaron had had any doubt as to whether to work with Adam or not, it had been squashed by the frankness with which Adam approached the subject. He was clear that Aaron wasn’t a partner, but that he potentially could buy back in, later in time.

So there he was, pint in hand, chatting to Adam as if 18 months hadn’t passed, happy to once again be working with him. They were one pint in when Vic joined them from the kitchen. It was a slow night, and Marlon had seen Adam and Aaron celebrating and told her to go. She had ordered a glass of wine, and the three of them ordered a bite to eat. They were in their third or fourth pint when Robert came through the door with Sarah under his arm. Aaron noticed him immediately, but feigned indifference. Robert looked over at their table and gave a small wave, making Aaron blush slightly and raise his pint in greeting. Adam and Vic saw him, and called him over.

“Robert! Come and join us, we’re celebrating.” Vic exclaimed.

“I can see that. What are we celebrating?” He replied coolly, holding Sarah close to him and holding her hand absentmindedly.

“Aaron here is coming to help us up at the scrapyard. You should buy him a pint - he’ll probably be giving you a bit more free time in the future.” Adam joked before clinking his glass with Aaron’s.

“I should buy him a pint then.” Robert looked at Aaron with those eyes, and Aaron bit his lip. He groaned internally. “I’ll just hand Sarah over to Diane. She said she’d look after her tonight, give me a bit of time off.”

Vic and Adam nodded and let him walk off. Aaron felt his eyes follow Robert out, before he was pulled back by Adam’s laughter. Five minutes later Robert came back out and ordered a pint from Chas, who served it with a smile. He wasn’t sure he would ever get used to Chas being so nice to Robert, but the bitter and provocating Robert had gone, instead replaced by a person who seemed content in life. It was good to see. He came down to their table and sat down next to Aaron, who tried to tell himself that he couldn’t feel heat emanating from Robert.

“So when do ya start?” Robert asked Aaron, twisting his body slightly to look at him. Aaron kept his eyes away from the stretch of his leather jacket over his arms.

“We… never actually got to that point.” Aaron grinned at Adam, who shrugged and ran a hand over his beard before answering.

“I suggest you come up there tomorrow morning mate, and we can figure it out. For now, we drink!” Adam laughed and Vic grinned at him.

“Probably not too many, love, or you won’t be there in the morning.” She countered, making the table laugh.

“The only thing we need to do,” Adam looked at Robert with joking eyes, “is to find out what to do with the free time you’ll have now that Aaron will be there.”

“Oooh yes!” Vic exclaimed, her head leaning slightly on her husband. “We need to find you a hobby.”

“Oh no, no you don’t. I have my daughter, thank you very much. Any free time I’ll spend with her.” Robert retorted, and Aaron couldn’t help a smile settle on his lips. He was glad to see Robert so settled, with no trace of resentment or unhappiness.

“I know!” Vic raised her hand in the air slightly as the new idea came to her. “We can find you a girlfriend.” Aaron’s stomach clenched, and Robert looked visibly uncomfortable. Adam, on the other hand, let out a triumphant ‘yes mate’ before he took a sip of his pint.

“That’s not necessary.” Robert said quietly, stealing a glance at Aaron, who sat with his pint stuck midway between the table and his lips.

“Found someone already have you? Sneaky bastard.” Adam countered, and Victoria grinned.

“No.” Robert replied simply, and Aaron let out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. “I just don’t have time for that. I have the scrapyard, Home James, and of course, my daughter.” Vic looked at him, and snorted.

“Come on Rob, you need some fun in your life. You’re so serious all the time.”

“I have fun.” He said quickly, “I’m sitting here with you idiots, aren’t I?”

“Quit joking, Robert. Don’t you want a relationship again?” Victoria had her serious voice on now. Aaron swallowed and shrank in on himself, avoiding anyone’s gaze. He felt Robert’s eyes on him briefly.

“I don’t … know what I want, to be honest.” Robert sounded worn out, and Vic and Adam softened a bit. “I haven’t really thought about it since Chrissie left, and now I spent all my spare time with Sarah. I haven’t really thought about anyone …”

Aaron felt his stomach clench again, and looked up at Robert, who was looking at his pint glass and sighing. His jaw clenched and his eyes briefly found Aaron’s. Aaron felt a blush rise in his cheeks, and looked down quickly.

“Well,” he heard Victoria say kindly, “maybe you’ll have time for that now.”

“Yeah.” Robert conceded, and took a sip of his pint, before looking at Aaron. “Maybe I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be writing a few scenes throughout this fic from Robert's POV, but mostly it will be from Aaron's. Please let me know what you think with kudos and comments :) you are all too kind to me!  
> I can't believe so many of you have read and liked my fic. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart! <3 
> 
> Come and find me on tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/escapingreality51


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this has taken so long, but January was a messy month for me. I hope you enjoy this chapter! :)  
> Thank you so much to iwillsendapostcard on tumblr for reading it through for me and being the best beta I could ask for <3

Aaron lay in bed, contemplating the night that had passed. It had been quite uneventful, apart from him agreeing to work with Adam, and they had gone with their favourite method of celebration. When Robert had showed up, Aaron had felt himself hide, hide behind his friends and his pint. It hadn’t exactly been comfortable. They had shared several pints between the four of them. Robert only had one, but still. They had sat, in the bar, together, in public, and it hadn’t been that uncomfortable, either. Apart from a few awkward glances over pint glasses and a slight blush rising in his cheeks every once in awhile, Aaron had felt at ease.

There had only been a few issues with the night, and he squirmed as he thought back on Vic asking Robert questions about his sex-life - something Aaron definitely wanted to think about less. He was still trying to figure out what it was exactly that he felt, still trying to piece together what was going on, or, more accurately, what wasn’t going on.

Robert had said, under no uncertain terms, that he didn’t want Aaron that way.

Aaron tried to look back at the kiss, but the bits of the memory that weren’t blurry included a quite certain “no” from Robert as he had pushed him away. Then there was the offer of being friends, which had not included any more than that.

But then… then there were the looks, the glances, the way Robert had responded to that kiss. He had felt Robert want him in that moment, and had seen the lust in his eyes, even as he pushed Aaron away. Robert still managed to flirt with Aaron in his subtle way. Or did he? Aaron shook his head and shifted so he was lying sideways on his bed.

In the early days of their … acquaintance … Aaron had started suspecting an attraction when Robert had come to the garage where he worked with a coffee in hand, just for him, insisting that they be mates. When their affair had begun, the flirting had been subtle, glances here and there, secret texts and stolen kisses in the men’s room.

Aaron felt himself stir at the memory of kissing Robert and he groaned internally, hating how his body still remembered the feeling of Robert Sugden’s hands and lips on his. Hating how he still remembered what it was like to have Robert at his mercy. _This needs to stop,_ he thought to himself, refusing to give in to the need building within him.  

He had been with men in France. Initially it had been quick blowjobs or fucks in the men’s bathroom of Paris’ gay clubs, with a slight preference for tall blondes, but it had only served to distract him from the loss that burned in his body, taking away from every touch and advance received. As the months passed and he had felt more like himself, he had tried dating, but French men were a different breed to what he was used to. Nothing had been more serious than a three-week long fuck buddy, with most of the sex being satisfactory, but not … it didn’t compare. There had been none of the all-consuming passion, none of the desire to please, none of the spark.

Aaron couldn’t help it; all his blood was rushing to his cock at the memories of Robert. His hand drifted down his stomach to his groin, and his mind could do nothing but drift to images of Robert, kneading and grabbing his skin, pressing open-mouthed kisses to his shoulder as he undressed him slowly; images of Robert wrapping his hand around Aaron and pumping his hand up and down, edging him closer to his release; images of Robert taking him into his mouth and working him with expert attention; images that one didn’t have of a ‘friend’.

The mental images did their work, and Aaron soon came with a grunt, his teeth biting down on his lower lip to stifle the moans. As soon as he came down from the high, he cleaned himself off and got back under the covers. The pressure in his mind was alleviated - instead he was left with guilt and embarrassment. It all served to prove a simple point.

He needed to get Robert Sugden out of his system.

 

\-----------

 

The days passed quickly as Aaron started working regularly up at the scrapyard. The work was hard - scrapping heavy metal items was not something to which his body was accustomed. Aaron quickly found himself sore in places he didn’t recognise, but it was a good feeling. He was finally getting into a daily rhythm that gave him a reason to get up every morning.

Adam seemed pleased with the arrangement; especially the amount of time he now spent with Robert. He joked that the man was doing his head it, and that him spending a few days a week at home was probably for the better, for the peace of their home. That was one of them wouldn’t end up killing the other.

As much as he tried to deny it, Adam had warmed to Robert, even going so far as to joke around with him at the yard when they were working together. Aaron was thrilled that no matter what their affair had been, it had led to Robert investing in their business. The fact that Adam didn’t know the reason _why_ Robert had given them the investment in the first place was irrelevant - or at least, Aaron made himself believe it was.

The days Robert did spend at the scrapyard, Aaron never saw him much. He usually stayed inside the portacabin, glued to his phone or doing the paperwork. Aaron felt his eyes drawn to him, constantly flitting to the window and trying to sneak a glance. Whenever he caught a glance, he couldn’t help feel a thrill pass through him, as if the secret still tied them together, linking them to one another even after all this time.

Their relationship hadn’t really changed at all since their conversation in Robert’s kitchen; distance seemed imperative and both of them were staying quite far away from each other. They gave the occasional greeting in the shop, or the café, or the pub, and Aaron never knew if it was his imagination, or if he felt Robert’s eyes linger on him each time.

The transition from secret affair to open friendship left a lot to be desired - particularly an explanation of what a small wave, or nod of the head, or smile meant. His head swam with the attempts to understand what they could and couldn’t do - it probably didn’t help that he had to accept that some remnants of residual feelings for Robert Sugden still remained in his system. Suffice it to say it was one of the most complicated friendships he had ever had.

After a few weeks of working up at the yard, he had run into Robert innumerable times, without any proper conversation. Robert was a busy man, either with his businesses, or his daughter, whom Aaron had only seen on a few separate occasions. Adam and Vic decided to invite him over for dinner, and Aaron had conceded. He knew the motivation behind it - a ploy to get Aaron and Robert to start talking; in fact, both Vic and Adam thought Aaron didn’t particularly like Robert. Considering the way they had treated each other publicly both before and after Aaron’s trip to France, it wasn’t that surprising.

So, once again, Aaron found himself knocking on the door to Keeper’s cottage, his nerves making his hands sweat and his mind running through every possible scenario. The prospect of spending the entire evening in Robert’s presence wasn’t exactly relaxing. Simple gestures of friendship he could handle, but a dinner with only four other people was intimate in a way the pub never could be.

Adam opened the door and greeted him with a hug, ushering him inside.

“Mate, Vic has cooked up an amazing meal for ya, and Sarah has just been put to bed, so hopefully she won’t bother us too much.”

“Sounds great, happy to be here.” Aaron said, walking through to the kitchen where he was greeted a glorious smell. Vic stood by the stove, checking on the shepard’s pie in the oven and Robert was leaning against the counter. He was wearing a dark blue blazer over a light blue shirt, and a pair of jeans. His eyes flickered up when Aaron came into the room, and he smiled.

Aaron had to berate himself to not being able to look at his clothes and see what was underneath.

“Hiya, Aaron.” He made no move to hug him, for which Aaron was grateful. Vic turned around and immediately came over and gave him a hug.

“Thanks for having me - change of scenery and all that.” Aaron joked. “And the food here is much better than the pub.” Adam laughed loudly and Vic grabbed the nearest tea towel and threw it at him, scowling. Robert, he noticed, had a smile on his face and was shaking his head. Aaron couldn’t help enjoying the sight.

“I’ll have none of your cheek.” She joked, a smile clear on her face. “Come on, have a seat, food’ll be ready in a minute.” He sat down at the small kitchen table, where four table settings were laid out and Adam took a seat next to him.  His eyes couldn’t help but track Robert as they walked over to the fridge, his jeans distractingly tight as he bent to get something. He pulled his eyes away as Robert got up, and focussed on Adam. Robert sat down on the other side of him, and Aaron noticed the beer in his hand.

“Want one?” Robert asked, and Aaron nodded.

“Thanks.” He took the beer out of Robert’s hand, careful not to let their fingers touch. He glanced down at the beer and gulped.

Did Vic know what his favourite beer was?

Robert immediately took a sip, keeping his eyes on Adam.

Dinner passed by quickly. The food was delicious, as per usual, and Aaron felt himself relax more and more as the evening passed. Adam was gleeful as ever, Vic was kind and inquisitive, and Robert seemed preoccupied by something, only joining the conversation occasionally, and once leaving the table after hearing a murmur on the baby monitor.

After dinner, Adam grabbed a couple more beers out of the fridge, and they moved into the living room, lounging on the sofas.

“How are you enjoying working at the scrapyard then?” Robert asked him as they sat down.

“It’s alright. Hard work, but I’m glad to be there.” Aaron knew his answer seemed curt, but didn’t know what else to say.

“It’s been great to have more time with my daughter, so thank you for that.” Robert smiled at him, and Aaron felt his heart beat a little faster. The beers had clearly affected his ability to hide.

At this moment, Aaron noticed that Vic gave Adam a knowing look, and they both got up to go to the kitchen.

“We’ll just do the dishes, yeah?” Adam said quickly, and walked off after Victoria, leaving Aaron and Robert alone.

Robert cleared his throat, his mind trying to find a subject to bring up that wasn’t laced with history. Aaron suddenly became very interested in his bottle of beer, nails pulling at the label, finding some comfort in the repetitive motion.

“How’s Chas doing?” Robert asked politely.

“Good, yeah. Good to see her again to be honest.”

“She must be glad to have you back after... “ Robert trailed off. He knew why Aaron had left, and knew Aaron hadn’t told anyone.

“Yeah, she is.” Aaron sounded more stern that he wanted to. The subject only brought up unwanted memories of heated arguments and drying tears.

“She seems to have warmed to you, though.” Aaron continued, ignoring the knot in his stomach.

“Yeah! She’s been great, allowing Sarah to stay sometimes, letting me watch her in the back room so Diane and Vic can spend some time with her. It’s been a great help.” Robert said earnestly.

“Glad to hear it. Don’t blame me for wondering what you had to do to get in her good books.”

“I think it was pity, mostly.” Robert joked. “Who can hate a beaten down puppy?”

Aaron snorted.

“I’m sure you were never that pathetic.”

Robert’s face fell slightly. Aaron sat back and cleared his throat.

Robert, pathetic? There was a sight Aaron had never imagined. But, of course he would have been, after Chrissie left him.

A silence settled between them, only made clearer by the sound of Adam and Vic doing the dishes, and the conversation and intermittent laughs that followed. Aaron went back to the label on his bottle. Topics of conversation ran through his mind, and he almost laughed at how ridiculous it was, but kept it at bay - laughing would only make this extremely awkward attempt at a friendship even more awkward.

“You watch the football game last night?” Robert attempted, hands leaning on his knees. Aaron’s hands stilled at the question, and looked up at Robert’s face.

“Managed to catch the second half, yeah.” Aaron replied. He was glad to have any topic thrown out there.

“That last goal was amazing, wasn’t it?”

Robert’s face became animated as soon as they started talking about the game. Sports had always been something they had in common, and Aaron was surprised at the ease with which they fell into pleasant conversation. Robert was funny - Aaron had almost forgotten how funny he was - and they managed to talk idly until Adam and Victoria came out of the kitchen to join them. Aaron tried not to notice the look they gave each other as they sat down, pleased that Aaron and Robert were so obviously getting on, and thrilled that their plan seemed to have worked.

“Mate! We should take you out on the town, soon.” Adam was leaning back in his chair, his telltale smile plastered to his face. Aaron pointed at himself, and Adam nodded.

“Wanna show me off on your arm, do ya?” Aaron replied, earning him a laugh from Robert and Victoria.

“Need to find you someone, don’t we.” Adam gave him a slap on the arm, and Aaron hit him back. “We should go to Bar West, find you someone. I’d be an excellent wingman!”

“Or, they would all go for you instead.” Victoria added, making Adam’s face fall and Aaron grin.

“Mate, I’m serious though. You mentioned that ex you needed to get over, we should do something about it.” Aaron’s eyes flickered to Robert, who raised an eyebrow at him. Aaron shifted his gaze back to Adam, who sat up and placed a hand on Aaron’s shoulder.

“Hotten, this weekend, Vic’ll come too..” She hummed in agreement, and Adam looked over at Robert, who immediately shook his head.

“Not my scene, is it? Plus, I have Sarah.” He said quickly. Aaron swallowed and remembered the feeling of his hands on him, knowing the dishonesty in that statement.

Adam pointed at him.

“You should be helping this man go on the pull, instead of sitting at home with your daughter. He needs it mate!” Adam shook the shoulder he was holding and Aaron fought him off, taking a sip of his beer instead.

“I’m sure he does.” Robert said and gave Aaron one of those looks that made his stomach flip. He held Aaron’s gaze for longer than probably was necessary, and Aaron felt a slight blush rise to his cheeks.

It wasn’t that he was surprised Robert hadn’t mentioned his penchant for sleeping with men to his sister, because he had been absolutely terrified of people finding out during their affair. If it hadn’t been for Chrissie’s pregnancy, it probably would have been his self-denial that would have broken their relationship. It had been the one thing that had made Aaron more angry than anything - Robert always insisted on being straight, even after just sleeping with a man.

The thought of Adam and Victoria finding out about the affair - that was an impossibility. Aaron guessed he hadn’t had much time to think about his sexuality since the arrival of their daughter. How many men had Robert slept with since him? Aaron’s stomach clenched at the thought of Robert’s hand on some random bloke. In part because he hated the effect Robert still had on him, and because he wanted to see Robert’s reaction, he looked Robert square in the face.

“Let’s do it.”

Robert lifted his beer to his lips and nodded, with no discernable change in demeanour.

 _In that case,_ Aaron thought, _I might finally be able to get you out of my head._

 

\------------

 

Saturday night arrived, and the club was packed with people when they got there. The three of them were all dressed up, nice shirts and jeans on Adam and Aaron, and Vic had a gorgeous dress on. They had had a few drinks in the pub before taking a cab into Hotten, and as soon as they arrived they rushed to the bar and started the night off with a few shots. Adam had stated that ‘we’ll need it for sleeping later tonight if Sarah’s in a bad mood, so one more for me and the missus!’, and it wasn’t long before Aaron felt his legs tingle and his head lighter, the alcohol taking effect.

Aaron watched them dance together, and couldn’t deny that they looked genuinely happy. Adam seemed settled in a way he hadn’t been before, and Vic was constantly smiling. The two of them tried pulling Aaron out there a few times, but it never worked. Aaron would much rather sit by the bar, a pint in hand, than attempt to dance like a muppet.

It was fun. Spending a night out with the two of them was fun. He had forgotten how much of a laugh they were, taking shots, joking, and talking to people they didn’t know without issues. Adam even tried talking Aaron up to a few of their new friends, who then proceeded to give Aaron the once over and shove a slip of paper into Adam’s hand. He waved it in the air and proclaimed himself the best wingman this side of York.

As the night progressed, Aaron knew he wasn’t going to end up with any of the men in the bar. He hadn’t spotted anyone since entering the pub, no one he really wanted. A few blokes came up to him, tried to chat him up, but none of them had that spark. He chatted to a few of them, and scored himself two phone numbers, but was mostly just focussed on having a laugh with Adam and Vic.

“Not find anyone that you fancy yet?” Vic sat down on a stool next to him, and watched as Adam tried to order some pints from the bartender.

“Nah. No one’s caught my eye, really.” Aaron admitted.

“Adam mentioned something about an ex from before you left… Didn’t know you were seeing anyone when you went off to France.” Vic bit at a nail before continuing. “Why did you leave for France?” Her eyes were surprisingly sober for the amount of alcohol she had consumed.

“It wasn’t anything important… I just needed a change of scenery, that’s all.” Aaron deflected.

“Right after starting a company with your best mate? I’m not buying it, Aaron.” Vic paused, hesitating ever so slightly, before asking Aaron the question he had been dreading. “This ex of yours… Did ya love him?”

Aaron stomach clenched at the question. He was still trying to figure it all out, and Vic asking questions only made him more confused. He shrugged.

“I dunno.”

Vic looked at him with sympathetic eyes.

“Can’t have been easy.”

Aaron shrugged, and hoped his face wasn’t portraying the same emotions as were going through his head. He couldn’t help but think back on the pain of realising the man he loved was starting a family with someone else. The anger he had felt at not being chosen above Chrissie. His fists clenched, and he tried to keep a straight face, but Vic had always been able to read him easily.

“If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.” Vic gave him a nudge, and he smiled at her, thankful for the gesture. If only she knew… but she never would. Nothing could happen between them. The realisation hit Aaron, suddenly and hard. Even if Robert seemed slightly interested, and had responded to a kiss, all they had was an affair over a year ago, and one kiss a few weeks ago. Robert had a family, and no interest in being out, or a relationship. A fire erupted in Aaron’s chest, knocking the oxygen from his lungs and making it hard to breathe.

He had wanted Robert. Wanted his body. It was nothing more than a fleeting attraction based on the affair, nothing real or substantial… was it? He finished his beer, hoping for the alcohol could pacify the ache in his chest. It only seemed to fuel it, like throwing ethanol on a bonfire, making his eyes sting and his heart beat faster.

How could he still feel like this after 18 months away from the bloke? Surely it couldn’t mean what he thought it meant…

The sound of chairs falling over made Aaron jolt, and look over to a space in front of the bar. Adam was nowhere to be seen, but they heard a yelp from the floor that was unmistakable. Aaron rushed over to him, Vic following close behind him, and couldn’t help but grin at the sight before him. Adam had landed on his arse, and Aaron found him with his head slung backwards, laughing with no clue what had happened. His hands were flailing, trying to grab something, and were consistently missing.

“Have you had enough mate?” Aaron joked, and Vic hit his leg from where she was bent down to check on her husband.

“Come on, love. Let’s get you home.” She tried to pull his arm over her shoulder to help him up, but Aaron quickly realised that wasn’t going to happen without some help.

He bent down and lifted Adam up and tried to place him on his feet. His legs immediately buckled beneath him, and Aaron managed to grab him before he fell over again.

“Come here, come on.” Adam’s arm was placed over Aaron’s shoulder, and they walked out of the bar together, while Vic hailed a cab.

“Mate, I got you so many numbers! You’ll have blokes lining up to get ya.” Adam’s slurred speech made Aaron grin.

“Are you sure those numbers weren’t for you?” He teased, and Adam tried to slap him on the arm, but missed.

“I only have eyes for one person, mate…” his voice trailed off as he attempted to point at Victoria, who was bartering with the cab. Adam’s eyes couldn’t focus on her and his speech was slurred. Aaron laughed as he held him up, Adam’s body heavy on his arm.

“Come on you big softie.” He murmured, trying to keep Adam upright.

Victoria waved them over, and Aaron half-walked half-dragged Adam over to the cab door.

“Pile in! He says he’ll take us, but we have to pay if this one empties his stomach everywhere.” She gave Adam a glance and sighed. “Here’s to hoping that doesn’t happen.”

It didn’t. Adam joked and laughed all the way to Emmerdale, with Victoria having to apologise more than once to the driver for him not keeping his mouth shut.

As they passed the Emmerdale sign, Vic glanced back at Adam, who was slurring his way through a joke that Aaron was trying to decipher. She looked at Aaron apologetically.

“I might need your help getting him inside the house, if you don’t mind…”

“Not at all. Course I’ll give a hand.”

With a bit of help from Vic, Aaron managed to get Adam out of the cab. Adam was almost able to stand on his own two feet, making Aaron’s job even harder than if he just had to carry him. Vic ran ahead as fast as her heels would allow, and started fumbling with her keys. Before she could unlock it, the door was opened by a very tired Robert, wearing pyjama bottoms and a rumpled t-shirt. His hair was pointing in every direction, and he was rubbing his eyes with his palm, trying to wake up.

“Was checking on Sarah when I heard you walk up the path…” His eyes found Aaron’s and he opened the door and stepped back, allowing Aaron and a giggling Adam to pass through the door.

Aaron immediately attempted to get Adam up the stairs behind Victoria, and after some negotiation with Adam, they got him into bed. Victoria thanked him for a lovely night, but Aaron knew when he wasn’t needed - Victoria could do the rest. He trudged down the stairs, exhaustion seeping into his every bone. He rested his hand on his neck, trying to get out the tension by pressing down on his muscles, but it made no difference.

“Have a nice night?” Robert’s voice was loud, reverberating in the calm that only 3 in the morning could bring. He was leaning on the back of the sofa, his arms strained with the effort of holding him up. Aaron’s eyes drifted to the well-defined muscles, and he blushed before looking away.

“Yeah… It was, um, good fun.” His voice was slightly hoarse; no surprise after spending the evening communicating in shouts and gestures in a crowded bar. Robert nodded, and looked at the floor.

“Did Adam succeed?” Robert asked, his face unreadable.

“What d’ya mean?”

“Meet anyone you fancied?” Robert’s face was sporting a smile, but his voice was not its casual self. He must be knackered.

“Nah…” Aaron leaned against the bannister. The light from the kitchen fell on Robert’s body in the most beautiful way.

No matter how much he knew Robert was wrong for him, he couldn’t help looking at him, wanting him, thinking about him.

“Maybe they weren’t what you were looking for.” Robert said quietly.

“Maybe not, no. Did get quite a few numbers, though.”

Robert just nodded again, looking at him with tired eyes.

“What are you… looking for?” Robert asked. He lifted a hand and ran it through his ruffled hair, and Aaron couldn’t help but long to do the same.

“Not sure. Nothing serious, or anything… I only just got back.”

Robert didn’t reply, instead he crossed his arms over his chest. The fabric of his t-shirt strained across Robert’s chest. Aaron bit down on his lip and forced his eyes elsewhere. Nothing he had felt in that bar came close to the electricity he felt just being in the same room as Robert, and it stung to know that this was all he was going to get - hesitant conversations and a fragile friendship. _I want more_. As the thought hit him, he sighed, and pointed at the door.

“I should probably…”

“Yeah, you should.” Robert looked up at him and smiled weakly. “Good night, Aaron.”

“Night.” Aaron said quietly, before leaving for the Woolpack.

 

\-------------

 

A few days later, Aaron found himself in the Woolpack for lunch, on his own. The lunch-rush at was bigger than usual; Aaron resorted to sitting at the bar while he munched on his fish and chips, occasionally chatting to Chas when she had a few minutes to spare. There was no sign of either Adam or Vic; Adam was out on a haul that would take most of the day, and he hadn’t heard from Vic since their night out.

He was finishing his pint when he heard the door open and saw Chas tense. He cocked at eyebrow at her, but she didn’t react. He turned around in his seat, and found the person Chas was eyeing. Katie.

She walked through the pub hesitantly, her eyes scanning the room, seeking someone out. Chas stepped out from behind the pub and walked up to her. Curiosity got the better of him, and Aaron strained his ears to hear their conversation.

“Katie, you know Diane doesn’t want ya here, love. This is still her pub just as much as it is mine, and I don’t want to get on her bad side.”

“She’s not around though, is she?” Katie looked at Chas with malice in her eyes. “Can’t you serve your best friend a drink?” Katie almost spat the words out, making Chas cringe.

“You know I’m not taking sides in this, but you can’t keep coming in here and creating problems. We know you dislike Robert, but let it go, love.” Aaron’s interest peaked. Robert? What did this have to do with him?

“Just because you can’t see what I see..” Katie scoffed.

“We can’t see it, Katie, because it isn’t there. He was left by someone he loves, just like you. You are in the same boat, love, I don’t understand why you keep holding this grudge.” Chas put a hand on Katie’s arm, but was shrugged off.

“It was _his_ fault Chrissie went out and took Andy away from me. If he hadn’t been such a moping idiot, she wouldn’t have left him, and taken Andy with her!” Her voice was raised now, and the pub went quiet. “If he hadn’t been cheating on her, she wouldn’t have left him.” Katie practically growled, and every inch of her face was taut with rage. Aaron turned back, ears burning, knowing that what she said was true.

“You cannot keep blaming other people for the problems in your life, hun. It’ll kill ya.” Chas’ voice was calm, pleading, but Katie ignored it.

“You’re all blind, ignoring what’s right in front of ya. Robert is bad.”

“Katie… I know you’re better than this. You need to get your head sorted.” Aaron heard shuffling, and out of the corner of his eye he could see Chas moving towards the door with Katie in front of her

“I thought we were friends, Chas…” Katie murmured, her voice icy.

“We are - best friends - but this is my place of business, and you cause trouble every time you’re here. You are more than welcome here when you stop mouthing off about Diane’s family.” Chas calmly escorted Katie to the door, before squeezing her arm. She left without making any more snide comments, and he heard Chas sigh behind him.

“What was all that about?” He said when she returned behind the bar. He tried to sound as unaffected as possible, hoping his interest wasn’t audible.

“Heard some of that, did you?” She asked, lifting an eyebrow.

“Hard to miss, that.” Aaron replied. Chas nodded and started putting away glasses while she spoke.

“Katie’s put herself in a mess.” Chas sighed and leaned on her right arm. “She got really angry when Andy left - it did come as a bit of a surprise to all of us, we all thought they were it, to be honest. I don’t know if you remember the days up to Robert and Chrissie’s wedding, but she kept going on about Robert cheating.” Aaron swallowed and nodded, muttering a non-committal ‘yeah’.

“Well, she kept going on about it. In my opinion, Andy got tired of her obsessing over Robert. No one really knows why Chrissie cheated, Robert won’t talk about it, but Katie insists that Andy leaving her is Robert’s fault. Thinks Robert drove Chrissie to find someone else, but lord knows Andy wouldn’t have left if things had been good between them. She always was good at holding onto things too tightly.”

Aaron bit his lip, trying to wrap his head around it.

“Why’s she not allowed in here then?” Aaron inquired.

“Diane got tired of her. It got too much. Vic was furious, and Diane told her to go away, and not come back until she had calmed down. I’ve never seen Diane that angry,” Chas said absentmindedly. “She hasn’t been in here for weeks.”

“Right,” Aaron’s voice was small. “Bit of an overreaction though, isn’t it?” Aaron added, and looked up at his mum inconspicuously. Chas hummed in agreement, and walked over to the other side of the bar to serve a customer.

He was going for his final chip when his phone went off.

_I need your help! Emergency._

Aaron looked at his text from Vic and started. His instincts took over and he ran to Keeper’s, fearing the worst. When he arrived, breathless and slightly sweaty he found Vic on her doorstep, looking desperate and holding Sarah in her hands.

“Aaron, thank you, thank you, thank you!” She walked down the steps, and handed him Sarah. She looked up at Aaron with a smile and grabbed for the zipper on his jumper.

“Marlon has just taken the afternoon off and Chas really needs me at the pub. Thing is, I’m on baby duty - Robert had some big meeting in Leeds, I’m sure you heard Adam going on about it.” Aaron shook his head, still not following.

“What do ya need me for then?” He asked, and Vic looked pointedly down at Sarah. Realisation hit Aaron, and he let out a breath.

“Vic, I can’t… I...” He stammered, but Vic interrupted him.

“Look, I’ve seen ya with Leo, I know you’re great with children, and I know you and Robert weren’t really friends before, but I’m sure he’d be ok with you looking after her. Please, Aaron. Diane can’t take him, she’s got the flu, Adam is out on a haul, and Marlon is already angry at me for missing my shift the other day.” She held her hands in front of her body as she pleaded, and Aaron could do nothing but nod, shifting Sarah so she sat on his hip, her green hair clip beautifully accentuating her eyes. Vic yelped with glee.

“Thank you Aaron! I owe ya one!” She exclaimed and gave him a one-armed hug. She followed him inside, a hand on his shoulder as he walked.

“Right she’s had lunch so she might be sleepy. She has some toys she likes to play with over there,” she pointed to a fluffy unicorn on the floor and a large green frog, “and if she gets tired we have the little cot over there, just keep an eye on her, but you know all this...” Aaron nodded as he tried to remember all the details. Vic pointed to a few more toys, mentioning Sarah’s like or dislike for them, before she thanked him a final time, and left the cottage.

Aaron stood still for an indeterminate amount of time, a firm grip on Sarah. She had started fussing when Vic left, not entirely happy even though she seemed to like Aaron last time he had seen her. He tried soothing her as best he could, rubbing her back and comforting her with small rocking movements. She soon settled down, and he bent down to grab the unicorn she apparently adored. The response was instant, her face lighting up as she grabbed its neck and shook it gently, giggling. He smiled down at her, and she dropped the unicorn on the floor.

“That’s how you want to play it, eh?” He said to her quietly, picking up the unicorn before hiding it from her. Her face fell, until he took it out and placed it in front of her. She laughed and clapped her hands together with glee. He repeated the action, and saw her brain trying to figure out where the toy would appear next, her eyes darting around her vision, searching, before he finally pulled it out from behind his back, or under her, and she giggled and grinned. Aaron didn’t know how much time they spent playing, his feet circling the room while his attention was focussed on her, but he noticed that her delight started becoming less enthusiastic.

“You tired?” He whispered to her as her eyes started drooping. “Right.” He said, mostly to himself as he grabbed a baby blanket, and still holding Sarah, slung it over his shoulder. He held her gingerly, her small mouth yawning and her hand scrunched around a bit of his jumper. He looked down at her almost sleeping form, and decided to sit down with her in his arms.

Taking care not to jostle her too much, he rearranged a pillow and took a seat on the sofa. Soon after, her eyes were closed and her breathing evened out. She was completely curled up in his arms, one tiny hand clutching the fabric of the baby blanket, and the other tucked under her chin.

He could see so much more of Robert in her features than he could see Chrissie. Her now-closed eyes were exactly the same colour, and she had his dirty blonde hair. Even in sleep, she looked so like her father, peaceful and without a care in the world.

More than that, he couldn’t deny how completely enthralling she was. Endearing and smiling, she was beautiful. Aaron kept on holding her even though she had fallen asleep, cradling her in his arms as he enjoyed a moment of peace and quiet.

Aaron sat for half an hour with Sarah in his arms before he heard footsteps outside. He tried to turn his body without moving her too much, and heard the door being opened.

“Vic?” Robert’s voice broke the silence, “Vic, you there?”

He heard the keys being dropped on the kitchen table and Aaron waited until Robert came into the living room before placing a finger over his own lips. Robert’s eyes widened as he saw Aaron sitting there on the sofa with his little girl.

“You’re not Vic.” Robert whispered, sitting down next to him on the sofa.

Aaron swallowed, and shook his head. He thought he saw apprehension in Robert’s voice, and it stung.

“Vic had a work emergency. She texted me and I had some time off, so I said I’d look after her.” He looked at Robert’s face as he held his daughter. “I hope that’s alright?”

Robert looked at the sleeping bundle in Aaron’s arms. She was the most important thing to him, now lying in the arms of someone he never expected to hold her. He swallowed hard, and nodded.

“Yeah, it is.” He looked over at the cot. “Why haven’t you put her down?” He asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

“She fell asleep in my arms and I didn’t want to wake her. She seemed so peaceful…” Aaron’s whisper trailed off as he looked down at her. Her face was completely calm as she lay in his arms, and Aaron almost thought he could feel his heart grow bigger with each breath she exhaled. He had only spent an hour or so with her, but she was perfect in his eyes.

Aaron looked up, and saw a serious look on Robert’s face.

“You want her back?” He asked tentatively, keeping his voice low.

Robert seemed to be shaken out of a reverie and nodded. Aaron held her out for him to take. Robert moved closer and felt Aaron’s presence before he actually touched him, felt his arms graze Aaron’s and noticed how close they were as he took Sarah in his arms. She mumbled gently, but otherwise didn’t stir. Just as he moved away, their eyes met, and Aaron was lost in this picture-perfect moment, the closeness of their faces and the green of Robert’s eyes; eyes that were glued to Aaron’s. There was an openness to his expression, a surprise at some unknown idea, and Aaron looked at him until he saw his eyes flicker, and Robert moved away.

Aaron rubbed a hand over his head and made to get up. He noticed that he was still holding the baby blanket and handed it over to Robert, who smiled at him, whispering a ‘thank you’ as Aaron stood next to the sofa.

“No problem. She’s a delight.” Aaron replied quietly, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his jumper. He bit his lips, and Robert smirked. He remembered many of Aaron’s facial expressions - Aaron’s lip biting was one of them. It always seemed to appear when Aaron was doubtful of something, or whenever Aaron was particularly pensive. Robert couldn’t help wonder what it was that had made Aaron think - and hated how good he looked doing it. Aaron gestured toward the door.

“I’d best be off, yeah?” He started moving, but Robert had a final question to ask.

“Wait, Aaron.” He quickly looked down at his daughter to check she hadn’t woken up, before looked at Aaron. He had stopped after a few steps and turned around to look at Robert.

“Would you… I mean, if I asked, would you look after her again sometime?” Robert’s voice was hesitant, “It’s not everyone I trust with her, but you… I know you, and I trust you.” Aaron bit his lip again and gave him a small smile.

“Yeah, I think I would. She’s lovely, Robert.” The sincerity in his voice was startling, and made Robert look down at his daughter.

“Yeah, she is… isn’t she.”

Aaron gave him a final nod before walking out the door. He stood outside Keeper’s a took a few deep breaths. The declaration that Robert trusted him was running through his head, causing even more confusion. This whole afternoon had messed with his head; spending time with Sarah, feeling like a part of something, handing her over to Robert and not being able to look away.

He knew Robert said he just wanted to be friends. Robert had said this to him, explicitly, and yet…. He knew he shouldn’t want anything more - Robert had always been afraid of being found out during the affair, that he didn’t expect him to suddenly want to be out and proud. Especially now that he had a daughter to look after.

But… then there were moments.

Moments where Aaron felt that connection, saw that vulnerability, wanted to make Robert smile.  Standing outside Keeper’s, he finally allowed himself to acknowledge what he had been hiding from since he came back. The realisation was frightening, bringing with it only the prospect of more heartache and pain. It was all consuming and all encompassing, and he felt like his heart ache and his hands clenched.

He still loved Robert Sugden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! :) leave kudos and comments <3  
> Find me on tumblr: escapingreality51


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so so so so so sorry, I realise now it has been 3 months since I updated, I'm so sorry, my mental health has been kicking my ass and I've only recently been able to even open this document and start working on this again. This chapter wouldn't have been possible without @Turquoiseterrior on tumblr, so send some love to her for her amazing help :)
> 
> Bits written in cursive are flashbacks to 18 months prior. This chapter turned out to be a lot more Robert-centric than I expected, but I hope you all enjoy it.

_ Aaron waited. He waited for so long the cold crept into his body and seeped through his bones until his fingers were numb and his chest felt sore. He waited for longer than he should have, eyes focussing on the condensation which formed with each exhale, watching the vapour dissipate. When this meeting had been arranged, he had had no doubt as to whether Robert was going to show or not. Standing alone at Wylie’s, he felt like a fool. A sad and lonely fool. _

_ He didn’t know what he had expected. Robert wouldn’t have left Chrissie. Robert would never chose him, a man with nothing to offer but himself, over a woman with wealth and status; Robert cared too much for fancy cars and clothes. It hurt, knowing he was always going to be the second choice. _

_ The anger built in him. By the time he pulled himself together and looked at his phone, the wedding was over. He had R.S.V.P’d but he hadn’t been able to go; his body had refused to move, had somehow believed that Robert would show up anyway, that he would chose him. Now he just felt empty, painfully so. The numbness in his hands did not extend to his heart and he briefly felt a surge of hatred towards Robert Sugden. Hatred because he made Aaron feel so broken. _

_ He thrust his hands in his pocket, and started walking, the press of his boots to the cold hard ground sending shocks through his body, forcing him back to reality with each step. Reality. This reality, where Robert let him go. The reality where he wasn’t worth the time and effort.  _

_ Why had he not shown? It had been his idea, after all. Their place to meet, their secret he wanted to discuss. Aaron spat on the ground and walked on, mentally chastising himself for thinking that what hey had was something worth fighting for.  _ Probably just some sick power play for him, _ Aaron thought, clenching his fists in his pocket and biting on his lower lip. It hurt, and he ached with a pain that only made his hatred of Robert more pronounced.  _

_ By now, Robert and Chrissie were married. Celebrating with their friends and family. Shoving cake in each other’s faces while people laughed and faked happiness.  _ If only they knew, _ Aaron thought begrudgingly, kicking a rock with his boot and barely even noticing it was gone. His brain was stuck, his feelings riling, his gut clenching.  _ What the fuck am I doing?

  
  
  


Aaron sat on his bed, his hands linked and resting on his knees, his mind darting back and forth. How had he not seen it before? How had he been so stupid? He always knew he was always going to be attracted to Robert, and he was probably always going to want him. You don’t easily forget the man you were willing to have an affair with, but love was a completely different ballpark. 

He wanted to be with him, see him happy. Spend time with him and have dinner with him. Have sex with him, but not have to rush to get away afterwards. All things he wanted when he left, all things he knew he couldn’t have. His heart clenched achingly in his chest, like it did every time he thought of Robert.

He barely knew when he had fallen in love with him. Before he had left, being with Robert had been an escape, a brief respite from an otherwise boring daily grind. Robert had transformed from a manipulative and snarky bastard, to a kind and generous person, a person who seemed real, and tangible, and flawed, but who saw something in Aaron that he had never expected. That side of Robert; the side he saw when they slept in the same bed, the side he saw when he hugged him when Cain got sick, the carelessly passionate person with whom he would share secret looks and kisses; that Robert had been intoxicating, and Aaron had fallen faster than he thought possible. 

Aaron had felt the depth of Robert’s caring for him, and it had been almost difficult to reconcile that man to the one he was in public, until their eyes would meet and that smile would grace his lips. 

They had never been vocal about their affections, both of them better at using their bodies to express themselves, but Aaron could almost feel the searing passion laced in every touch they had shared in the end. The memory of being touched with such adoration was replaying in his mind, and Aaron couldn’t seem to get it out, no matter how far away he travelled, or other options he had.

Robert had changed, had become that gentle and kind person, had found the family he always wanted and had grown for the better, and every look they shared made Aaron want him more - want more with that Robert he remembered and it was almost unbearable.

Aaron had never allowed himself to admit his feelings before, and now that he had, it was both a relief, and a burden. Robert would never chose him, especially not when he had a daughter to take care of, and he hadn’t chosen him before.

Now all Aaron had to do was fall out of love with him… he clenched his fists and lay back on the bed, his head swimming. He had no idea how to do it.

 

-

 

Robert was stunned. 

He replayed the moment over and over in his head, feeling as if a piece was missing, a clue or a picture that would make sense of it all.

Sarah was sleeping softly in his arms, and he held her gently so as to not wake her. 

The image he had been met with when he entered Keeper’s was not something he had expected. In fact, it was an imagine he would never have conjured in his wildest dreams. A meeting of two extremes, a clashing of his past and present that had shocked his system. 

Even more surprising was the way he felt about it - it didn’t fill him with dread, but made his stomach flip. Aaron had held his daughter in his arms, and looked down at her with such adoration, that Robert instantly felt at ease with the two of them spending time together.

Another feeling he hadn’t expected. 

It all felt so foreign.

One thing that remained the same was Aaron. France hadn’t changed him, not really; he was easy to be around, easy to talk to, gentle and kind and so inherently good. No matter how much time had passed, and how much had changed, the easiness to their relationship - whatever it was - stayed the same.

Aaron was the person Robert had always admired; honest, loyal to a tee, tough and yet not cold or unfeeling. Their relationship had changed, but Robert felt the same flutters of his stomach, the same hitching of his breath as he had when they had first met. He tried to stifle it, make as if there was nothing there, especially to Aaron, but seeing his daughter in Aaron’s arms gave him ideas that he had never had before - it made him question everything. 

 

_ “I’m pregnant,” Chrissie said over the phone, and Robert’s stomach fell. He was in his suit, almost ready to meet Aaron for whatever Aaron had wanted to tell him, but this…  _

No, _ he thought,  _ no no no this can’t be happening… _ they had been careful, she was on birth control, he didn’t think this could happen - he wasn’t ready for this.  _

_ “I wanted to let you know before we tied the knot, I wanted to tell you you’re going to be a dad,” she said, her voice gleeful. _

_ “That’s fantastic, babe,” he said down the phone, hoping his voice sounded sincere.  _

_ “I know, it’s unexpected, but I couldn’t wait to tell you… See you at the church! I’ll be the gorgeous one in the white dress!” she said and hung up, leaving Robert stunned. _

_ He didn’t know how long he just stood, staring, registering nothing. He thought back to his childhood, his father, and he felt sick. He couldn’t be - what if - what would he do? _

_ The clock on the wall told him he was late for meeting Aaron, but with the knowledge he had just received, he couldn’t go. No matter how much he wanted Aaron, and no matter how little he cared about cheating on Chrissie, he couldn’t do that to a child. Instead, he went to the bathroom, washed his face, and stared into his eyes. _

A father, _ he thought…  _ Fuck.

 

A few hours later, he was feeding Sarah as Vic came through the front door. 

“Everything alright?” She asked as she shrugged off her jacket.

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” Robert wiped some food from Sarah’s cheek as he answered.

“I hope you don’t mind Aaron looking after her, but an emergency came up at the pub, so I had to scarper,” Vic explained, taking a seat at the kitchen table. Robert shook his head immediately, giving her a small smile.

“Nah, not a problem at all. Aaron’s a good guy, and when I came home, she was sound asleep in his arms. Think she might have charmed him,” he admitted and felt a smile creep across his lips, immediately shrugging it off.

“I would think as much - he has always been great with kids.” she conceded. “You two seem to be getting along much better these days.”

Robert nodded, feigning nonchalance but he knew they weren’t getting along nearly as well as they had before.

“I don’t know why you two never really got on before…” Vic continued, eying Robert as she spoke. “Why did you never get on?” 

“I don’t know, I guess I was too concerned with Home Farm and money at the time to really care about anyone,” Robert said. 

“You still invested in the scrapyard though, didn’t ya,” Vic said and Robert sighed.

“What’s this about then?” Robert asked, placing the spoon down that he used to feed Sarah and Vic put a hand on his arm.

“You know, you just haven’t really made friends since Sarah was born.”

“Obviously, I’ve had my hands full Vic?” 

“Yeah, but…” she shifted, her face serious, “I’m just saying, that you can tell me anything, yeah? I’m not going to judge, I’m not going to cause a fuss. I just want you to be happy.” 

Robert swallowed hard, and looked at his daughter. She was reaching out for the spoon with her hands, clearly still hungry and his heart swelled. She had been his world for almost a year now, and he had no idea how he could ever have been something other than her father.

“I don’t know how to do that, Vic,” he conceded and she smiled at him. 

“You’ll figure it out, and if not, you have me to help.” 

He lay in bed that night, thinking, trying to believe Vic when she said he would figure it out. 

He had always been attracted to both men and women; he couldn’t remember which he had noticed first, but his brain had always told him that the men he slept with were just for sex, and the women were relationships. Until Aaron.

Aaron and his scruffy kisses, harsh and needing and hotter than the sun. Aaron making him see stars as he came, but also making him feel like he was worth it, that he was someone to be proud of. Aaron made him think for an instant could have more than the life he believed he needed. Aaron, bringing out the side of Robert that wanted to change ever so slightly before Sarah was born and he changed more than he could ever imagine. 

Aaron was still that same person, open and honest, kind and warm and so inherently good. Robert just wasn’t sure what he wanted with him; what would Vic say, or Diane, or the rest of the village? His father would roll in his grave if he knew his son was in a relationship with a man, would hate him if he found out that he had cheated on Chrissie with a man - maybe even had feelings for a man.

The thought of people knowing made his stomach clench, but the thought of kissing Aaron, and being with Aaron made it less nauseating. Robert knew he was happier now than he ever was with Chrissie, but he missed having that someone to turn to, someone to be with, and whenever he thought of it the same image came to mind; Aaron, holding Sarah and smiling as their eyes met. 

Being himself hadn’t been so scary since Chrissie left, and maybe this time, he could be himself and be happy. 

He twisted and turned in his small bed, listening to the low sounds of Sarah sleeping as he did so, his thoughts keeping him occupied until the early hours of the morning, when Sarah gave a whine and Robert had to get up.

 

_ Aaron hadn’t heard from him in weeks; the wedding had been followed by the honeymoon and Robert was due back any day now. It hurt, but at least he was gone and Aaron didn’t have to think, didn’t have to turn away when he saw them, didn’t have to feign indifference or act like he wasn’t burning up on the inside.  _

_ His mum had told him the ceremony had been gorgeous - all fancy and posh, gorgeous flowers and the church had been packed, everyone present to see the beautiful wedding. Aaron had lied and said he was ill and even though Chas knew he was lying, she hadn’t pushed him.  _

_ His phone went off and his stomach dropped.  _

Meet me later? 

_ The grip on his phone tightened as he read the message from Robert; he must have just gotten back and he already thought he could order Aaron around? No. This had to stop. _

_ He went into the pub, ordered a pint, and sat down in the corner without answering the text. When half the pint was gone, he took his phone out and stared at the message, fingers itching to respond, eager to touch, but he knew he couldn’t; not after how Robert left it on his wedding day.  _

_ Vic came out and joined him for a bit, asking the odd question but otherwise just enjoying her break when Robert came in. She squealed, and left Aaron’s table to give her brother a hug. Aaron’s eyes inevitably landed on his hands, those strong hands that made his toes curl and his skin shiver with pleasure. _

_ “Welcome back! Diane told me the news, you two must be thrilled!” Vic said, and Aaron’s eyes shot up to meet Robert’s.  _

_ “Yeah, we are,” he said, the smile on his face one Aaron had seen one too many times; cold, unfeeling, and one that didn’t reach his eyes. _

_ “How far is she then?” Vic asked and Aaron’s stomach fell. _

_ Robert’s eyes were almost aching as he looked at Aaron’s eyes watering, and he spoke in a low voice to Vic when he answered, as if the lowered voice would soften the blow. _

_ “About six weeks, so it’s still early, and we don’t want the news to get out until we’re sure about everything…” he drifted off as he saw Aaron finish his pint in one go, and walk through to the back room.  _

_ The room was swimming, his eyes were blurry and he couldn’t see straight. This explained everything; the no-show on their wedding day, the incessant calling since they got back. Chrissie was pregnant. _

_ He took out his phone and deleted Robert’s message before tossing it onto the sofa cushions and running a hand over his face. If he had ever hoped before what Robert would choose, he now knew for certain now that it wouldn’t be him. _

 

Aaron walked towards the café, eyes aching and head throbbing. Sleep had not come easy the night before and he was itching for a black coffee to wake him up properly before he headed to the scrapyard and starting taking cars apart - not that it needed many braincells but he would rather not mess up. 

The bell rang as he pushed the door open, sliding through to the almost empty café and walking up the the counter.

“Coffee please, Bob, black,” he said, and Bob nodded.

“Not so cheery today, eh? Rough night?” Bob asked.

Aaron shifted on his feet, not in the mood for small talk - that was the point of going to the café, he wouldn’t have to tell his mother why he was so surly as they had coffee.

“Didn’t sleep great is all,” he said gruffly before he heard the bell go off as someone entered.

He didn’t even bother to look - looking would just invite more conversation than he was up to this morning. He dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out some coins to pay when the person next to him spoke.

“I’ll get that for you, an americano for me Bob and whatever Aaron’s having.” 

Aaron froze and looked up to see Robert smiling at him, wearing a dark red shirt under a black jacket with elbow patches, hair perfectly styled as he shot Aaron his smug smile.

“Thought I’d pay you for looking after Sarah yesterday,” he said, his eyes finding Aaron’s. “Sit with me while I drink my coffee?” He drank in Robert’s face before he shook himself out of his reverie; this was too dangerous, Robert was too dangerous. 

“No worries about yesterday mate,” he said, placing two quid on the counter and grabbing the coffee as soon as Bob set it down. “Best be off, need to get to work.” 

“Come on, that can wait 20 minutes can’t it?” Robert asked quietly and Aaron shrugged.

“Really want to get started,” he said, before walking off as quickly as he could. 

He couldn’t do it, sit casually in the café with Robert so close to him, yet unable to touch him. Casually talk about how the day went, or the business, or their families, when all Aaron would want to do is hold his hand and kiss his lips.

Instead he opted to run, to stay away… they weren’t that good friends, so what would it matter to Robert if Aaron remained distant for a while - at least until his stomach didn’t do flips at the sight of him. 

 

The sun was beating down on the scrapyard as Aaron got to work on sorting the newest assortment of scrap Adam had brought in the day before. His discarded jumper hung on one of the racks for small metal parts, and he was carrying some pipes off to their rightful spot when he saw Robert sauntering up the driveway and groaned internally.

He had successfully avoided him for a few days now, asking Adam when he was at work, hearing from Chas when Sarah would be in Diane’s hands so he could avoid the pub, and drinking coffee at home, but now they were inevitably pulled together once more and Aaron’s stomach flipped at the sight of him in the sun.

He waved at Aaron as he saw him and made his way over to where Aaron was working, leaning against an old car before speaking.

“Adam mentioned you’d be here today, thought you might want a break?” Robert stood quite calmly as Aaron worked, no inclination to lend a hand, but God did he look good; slightly sunkissed in the late summer sun. Aaron had no idea what he was doing here, asking to spend time with him. Aaron mentally chastised himself - there would be some ulterior motive if he knew Robert.

“What for? I’m working…” Aaron replied gruffly as he set the pipes down. 

“You’ve been working all morning. Don’t you need some food?” Robert asked. 

“Bought a sandwich earlier, so I’m good thanks,” he said, noticing Robert eyeing him, eyes settling on his arms and smiling. 

“Sure? I thought we could chat…” Robert began and Aaron frowned at him. 

“Not really in a talking mood, mate.” 

He stalked off before Robert could stop him, slamming the door to the portacabin closed before grabbing a bottle of water and taking a drink. He watched out of the window as Robert shook his head and walked off, jeans sitting perfectly as he did so, and Aaron couldn’t help toss the now-empty water bottle across the room in frustration. 

 

_ 17 missed calls, 8 unread texts all from Robert. Aaron hated it. Every time his phone went off he pictured them together, happy, he pictured Robert being this other person with her. It made Aaron’s stomach clench and his head to ache with the memories. The softness of his lips, the sweetness of his kiss, the passion laced in every touch - Robert giving himself to Aaron whenever they were together, showing that side that made Aaron’s palms sweaty and heart flutter.  _

_ A few days had passed since Robert’s return and Aaron had seen him around the village, sauntering up the road or having lunch with Chrissie. She was smiling and happy and they seemed ever the newly-wed couple and Aaron almost wanted to shake her by the shoulders, and tell her exactly why Robert had invested in their business. Almost.  _

_ Adam was asking questions, Chas had noticed his mood, even Vic had asked him if he was ok one afternoon but he had said nothing. All he had was the gut-wrenching anger at seeing Robert so settled in a life he could never give him, a lie that would never be enough. _

_ He couldn’t do it; he couldn’t stay and watch her stomach grow, watch Robert be the doting husband. He had to get out, to run off and accept that in his fight he would lose before it even began. _

_ He called Ed. It was a last resort - it always had been. They hadn’t exactly ended it on bad terms, so he could give Aaron a good place to crash for a few weeks until he settled on a place of his own. If they fell into bed together a few times, it would only make Aaron happy to know Robert wasn’t the last person to touch him, to send him over the edge; he didn’t need those memories anymore. _

_ Adam took the news as Aaron had expected him to; clearly upset, but understanding that Aaron wouldn’t do this if he didn’t need to. Vic took it less well, but Aaron gave her a hug nonetheless. Chas took it badly - she cried and he cried but she could see that he needed to leave, and in the end, let him go. Aaron didn’t tell Robert, didn’t even want him to know. There was nothing to say.  _

_ Bag in hand, Aaron was about to call a cab to the airport when Robert rang. He cursed inwardly, considering for what seemed an age before picking up.  _

_ “Meet me outside, now.”  _

_ Robert stood outside in the drizzle, hands stuffed in his pockets as he leant against the wall of the Woolpack. The moment the door opened his head shot up, eyes locking with Aaron’s. _

_ Aaron felt his insides turn to mush as he stared at the man in front of him - he was still gorgeous, and he wanted nothing more than for this to be a reunion, but it couldn’t be.  _

_ “What’s this I hear from Vic?” he asked, not bothering to elaborate. _

_ “None of your business is what it is,” Aaron added and Robert shook his head. _

_ “Of course it is, you can’t just leave Aaron,” he said, a hint of something in foreign in his voice. _

_ “I can, and I will, so do one,” he said, wanting to turn back but Robert stopped him.  _

_ “Don’t go,” he pleaded, and Aaron stopped in his tracks. He had never heard Robert plead before. _

_ “Your wife’s pregnant,” Aaron stated and Robert seemed to physically recoil at the words. _

_ “I’m not taking part in ruining the chance she has of a proper family,” Aaron continued, and Robert’s face lit up. _

_ “We’ll stop, I’ll stop texting you and …. Just don’t go, Aaron,” he said, his eyes imploring and Aaron almost let himself believe they could just be… but the thought made him sick.  _

_ “I can’t be here, Robert, and watch you lying to yourself… I’m giving you a chance to do this right, and giving myself a chance to get out of this mess.”  _

_ Robert shook his head, his face determined. _

_ “I don’t want to stop seeing you around Aaron,” he insisted, “I -” Robert began but he paused as Aaron took a step closer, letting his eyes soften, his breathing slow down. They stood so close Aaron could count the freckles on his face, but he resisted the urge to mould his lips to Robert’s, instead calming himself before he spoke. _

_ “Give me one good reason,” he said, voice low, “why I should stay.”  _

_ Robert’s eyes turned fearful as they stood inches apart, sharing breath and body heat in the light rain. His eyes roamed Aaron’s face, tracing every inch of his skin before his breath fell and he took a step back. _

_ “That’s what I thought,” Aaron said, giving Robert his signature frown before walking back to the Woolpack, adamant to not let it show just how much his heart was bleeding.  _

 

Robert tried to catch Aaron at some point, to have a drink or a meal, or just to say hi to Sarah if he wanted, but he was never really around, and when he was, he always ran off the moment Robert opened his mouth. Something was wrong, but he had absolutely no idea what. 

The few moments where he did see him he looked miserable; eyes sullen, shoulders slumped, and he looked like he wasn’t getting enough sleep. Robert just wanted a chat, but Aaron never gave him the chance. He just wanted to talk, as friends. It almost seemed deliberate the way Aaron left whenever Robert walked through a door - like he didn’t want to be there so he left at the first opportunity he got, but why? 

He knew he wasn’t being subtle, but he couldn’t take anymore of Aaron moving around him, leaving the pub when he entered, going to work at hours far too early just to get out of his sight.

It was over breakfast while Vic was getting Sarah some apple juice that he swallowed his pride and looked at the both of them.

“Is Aaron alright?” 

Adam looked at him over his cup of coffee, and Vic set the juice down on the Highchair. 

“I had lunch with him yesterday, a bit surly but otherwise I would say so - why?” Adam replied. Robert sighed; he had thought he would get a response like that. 

“I just haven’t seen him around this past week. He’s always leaving just as I’m going somewhere, or busy with something else to talk, so I thought I’d ask you two if he’d mentioned anything,” Robert continued. He tried to sound as nonchalant as possible.

“I’ve been wondering,” Vic began, taking a seat next to Adam, “whether Aaron’s been seeing someone.” Robert’s stomach dropped at the thought; Aaron wouldn’t be seeing someone, would he?

Adam shook his head, and Robert let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. 

“Nah, he’s been too surly to be getting laid regularly. I don’t know, maybe he’s just been busy. Thought you two were finally getting along?” 

Robert smiled, and knew that maybe the same thought had crossed his mind. 

“I thought so too… I’m probably just being a muppet, ignore me,” he said and Adam gave him a pat on the shoulder. 

“Must be hard for him to be back, getting settled…” Adam said before finishing his coffee and giving Vic a peck on the lips. “Right, I’m off to work - I’ll see you later?” he asked Robert, who nodded. Suddenly it was just him, Sarah and Vic, alone in the kitchen and he felt his heart beat faster. He took a deep breath, his hands shaking. If he was going to be himself, he had to start somewhere. 

“Vic?” he asked and she looked at him and nodded. “I’m bisexual.” The words almost stumbled out of his mouth, shaky and hesitant and harder than he thought imaginable. Her face changed minutely, her eyes changing from playful to serious, but she continued to ruffle Sarah’s hair as she looked at him. 

“Right,” she said before she patiently waited for him to continue. He took a deep breath, his hands still shaking in his lap and he placed them on the table and intertwined his fingers in an attempt to calm himself down. 

“I’ve hid for so long, hurt people along the way, but… I want to be myself, I want my daughter to have a dad who can be happy with who he is, someone who isn’t scared of being themselves. I don’t want her to ever feel like she needs to hide from me… but I need to stop hiding from myself first.”

Vic got up and sat down in a chair next to him, placing her hand on his. He smiled at her, and saw she was smiling back at him, no judgement or harshness in her face just support, and his eyes blurred slightly as they looked at each other. 

Robert let out a breath and wiped a tear away with the sleeve of his t-shirt. 

“I’m scared of what people will think…” he began, swallowing hard. “I just want to be myself, I don’t want to hide it anymore. The only person who knew threw me out of the house at age 19 and I’ve had this fear in me for years but I don’t want to be afraid anymore.” 

Vic cocked an eyebrow at his words before understanding dawned. Their father. She squeezed his hands before placing both of them in her own.

“I won’t look at you differently because of this, Robert… You’re an amazing dad, you’re the best brother a girl could ask for, and you’ve become this kind and generous person because of Sarah. She deserves to have a happy father and you deserve to be happy.” 

Robert felt a smile creep over his face, his heart swelling at her words. 

“Thanks, Vic,” he said and she smiled at him. 

“Thank you for telling me, Rob… I won’t tell anyone, I promise, and I’m here for you if you need it, yeah?” 

He nodded and took a shaky breath and let his tears fall freely and Vic just wrapped her arms around him and held him as he shook. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was quite nervous about the last scene; as a person who has never come out I tried to research how to respond and talk to my friends in the LGBTQIA community. I hope everyone feels like the moment felt right :) 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it and leave kudos and comments :) come and find me on tumblr: escapingreality51


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert has a much needed conversation and confronts Aaron about being avoided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the ever wonderful turquoiseterrier for the amazing help with this chapter. I couldn't do it without you <3 
> 
> *SPOILER ALERT* this is where it gets explicit.

Aaron had kept to himself, but he hated it. Staying away from Vic and Adam was awful, and they were starting to notice something was up. More than that, he _missed_ Robert - missed his company and his arrogant smile. His heart leapt at every corner, thinking maybe he’d run into Robert and it would force them into a conversation, hoping that maybe Robert felt a sliver of what he did, but he knew it was no good. Robert would never want him, had even told him so over and over again, but he couldn’t help hoping that something would happen - so staying away was the safest bet, the easiest way to ensure that he didn’t get hurt.

Vic and Adam roped him into lunch at the pub and Aaron had said yes, glad to spend some time with them when Robert walked into the pub. Aaron suddenly became more aware of himself, sitting up straighter, trying not to let his eyes linger on Robert’s gorgeous frame. Vic waved him over and Aaron kept his eyes firmly on his pint, lip caught between his teeth as a reminder. Robert shot him a confused glance but he kept his eyes down, hoping his lack of response would get the message across.

“Vic, do you have time for a chat?” Robert asked quietly.

“Sure, let’s go through to the back, yeah?” she replied and Robert nodded. He looked a bit tired, something seemed off, as if he were nervous about something and Aaron’s curiosity spiked. His eyes trailed after him as he followed Vic to the back room, resting on the curve of his arse in the tight-fitting jeans he wore.

Adam gave him a look when Robert was out of sight.

“Mate,” Adam said, “is there something you haven’t told me?”

“What d’you mean?” Aaron said, feigning ignorance.

“You’ve been ignoring him for weeks now, asking when he’s at work, ducking out of dinner at ours… I know you two didn’t get along before, but I thought you’d sorted that?”

Aaron bit his lip and shrugged.

“Mate, you work for him now, you might not like him but he has changed since you left, yeah? Give the guy a chance…” Adam said, disappointment laced in every word.

“I’ll try, alright?” Aaron replied, looking down at the few fries left on his plate. Adam patted him on the shoulder.

“I know you’re not easy to warm to… but he’s a good bloke, at heart. Even if you don’t want to be his friend, just play nice, yeah?” Adam said and Aaron nodded. Under no circumstances would he be telling Adam what he was actually thinking about, that there was a distinct reason why he didn’t want to be Robert’s friend. He wouldn’t do that to Robert. Adam gave Aaron a smile and ordered an orange juice from Chas.

Vic’s head popped out from the back room and scanned the room.

“Diane, could I have a moment?”

“Of course, pet,” she said, walking back and nodding at Chas as she did so.

Aaron lifted his pint and took a sip, and he couldn’t help but wonder what that was about.

 

-

 

“What is it, pet?” Diane asked, sitting down next to Robert by the table. She looked between Vic and Robert and saw Robert jerking his head towards the door.

“Right, I’ll leave you two to it,” Vic said and she walked over to Robert and gave him a hug before going.

“Is everything alright? Want a cuppa?” Diane asked, and Robert nodded before he took a deep breath.

He had talked to Vic about this after coming out to her and he knew he needed to do this, but that didn’t mean he didn’t fear her response.

Diane set two mugs of tea down on the table and Robert set his hands on the table.

“I’m… bisexual,” Robert said, pausing to try and gauge Diane’s reaction. Her eyebrows lifted slightly, but she smiled at him and so he continued. “I’ve known since I was a teenager, and I’ve hid it from almost everyone but I don’t want to hide anymore.”

Diane placed a hand on his arm and Robert smiled.

“I need to accept who I am and so I’ve decided to come out… first to Vic, then to you, and then I’m not really sure what I’m going to do but I wanted you to know.”

“Thank you for telling me, love… So that means you’re…?” she asked, leaving the sentence open for him to finish.

“... attracted to both men and women.”

“Was that what made Chrissie leave?” Diane asked bluntly and Robert swallowed hard.

“She didn’t know, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Robert said and Diane nodded.

“I’m glad you told me, I hope you know I love you just as you are, I don’t care who you fall in love with,” she continued and Robert smiled.

“I know,” he replied and she smiled at him.

“Have you met someone? Is that why you’re telling me?” she asked, eyes sparkling with the idea.

“Not really… I just felt it was time to be myself.” The words sat right with him; he hadn’t spoken to Aaron in over a week, and he knew that even if he wanted something more it was almost too complicated to consider, and Aaron hadn’t given him any indication lately of what he wanted. More than that it felt good to just be himself for once. It was almost foreign.

“Thank you, pet. I know that couldn’t have been easy, and I’ll support you no matter what. You know I’ll always look after little Sarah if you need it, and I know I haven’t always been great at telling you this, but I love you as if you were my own.”

Robert moved his hand on top of her’s and looked her in the eye.

“I love you too,” he said.

They finished their tea, talking about Sarah’s nursery and Diane’s health until she had to go back and he sat by the table in silence.

He felt different, but the same. The hiding, the lying, the fear of being himself still hung over him but the people who loved him still did, and it was a weight of his shoulders. It felt new; he hadn’t truly been himself openly, not since… Aaron.

The realisation hit him instantly and his heart started pounding.

The pub was practically empty but Aaron sat on a stool nursing the final dredges of his pint and Robert made a choice. He needed to talk to him.

 

-

 

Adam had left for the scrapyard not long ago, and Aaron sat nursing his pint while he thought. He needed to go back as well, finish sorting what was already in the yard before a new pile of scrap was delivered next day and he looked forward to the work; repetitive enough to keep him busy and not so repetitive that it didn’t keep him mind occupied. He needed the distraction.

He felt rather than saw someone stand next to him and didn’t look up until he heard his name spoken.

“Aaron,” Robert said, leaning against the bar and looking down on Aaron with those gorgeous green eyes. “Can we talk?”

Aaron’s heart started beating - in an attempt to stay calm he tried to ignore him, but he knew he couldn’t avoid Robert any more. Might as well give him a chance.

“What about?” he asked, his curiosity rising. Maybe… He kept his eyes staring straight ahead, and he knew if he gave in, if he looked at Robert for too long it would only make it harder from him to say no.

“I just -” Robert began but he paused, sighing, “can we just talk in private?”

Aaron scoffed and shot him a quick frown.

“What, as friends?” he retorted, his voice more harsh than necessary and Robert visibly flinched.

“Yes,” he said, looking around the pub as he spoke. “I just want to talk about some business stuff…” Aaron’s stomach clenched at the words, anger bubbling inside him.

“Not interested, mate,” Aaron spat, finishing his beer in one go before stalking to the back of the pub.

He knew Robert wouldn’t follow; it was just a matter of business after all, and he hated himself for hoping it might have been more even for a split second. Robert never had and never would chose him.

He clenched his fists at his side and tried to quell the anger coursing through his veins; anger that inevitably would give way to hurt, and he wished that he could do something, anything, to make it stop. To make himself stop wanting Robert. A knock sounded at the door and he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself before he opened it.

As soon as he did, Robert walked through the door, fixing him with an angry stare. Aaron closed the door behind him and stood his ground.

“What is your problem?” he asked, stepping into Aaron’s personal space and making Aaron’s breath hitch in his throat.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, mate,” he said, his anger clear as he emphasised the last word. He punctuated it with an equally angry stare and a step back.

“I thought we agreed to be friends, but you’ve been avoiding me for over a week now, and don’t deny it. What is your problem with me?” Robert asked, stepping closer once more. Aaron could count the freckles on his tanned face, could see the curves of his lips.

“Just because I don’t like you don’t mean I have a problem,” Aaron retorted, taking another step back but feeling the wall of the hallway press against his back.

Robert made a sound of frustration and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I thought we could be adults about this, I thought,” he said taking another step forward, placing himself close enough that Aaron could feel the warmth emanating from his skin. “I thought we could sort this…” he said, his voice harsh.

“Sort what?” Aaron growled and he looked up into Robert’s green eyes.

He wanted to sink into them, to drown in Robert’s arms and lips and the smell of his skin but he held back… until he saw Robert’s eyes flicker down, glancing at his lips before meeting his eyes again and Aaron felt the air shift. Robert licked his lips, a swift movement of his tongue that drew Aaron’s immediate attention.

This time, he knew it wasn’t because of alcohol.

Robert stood closer than he had done in weeks, his body surrounding Aaron’s as his back pressed against the wall. The staircase was right next to him, the front door to the other side and Aaron stood motionless, waiting…

“This,” Robert said, pressing his body against Aaron’s and dipping his head down to capture his lips in a kiss.

Aaron felt his world slow the split second before it happened - he could see Robert’s eyes close and feel his breath on his face, smell the scent of Robert flood his sense and he tilted his head up slightly to allow their lips to meet. The kiss was soft and innocent until Robert placed his hands on either side of Aaron’s head and tilted it upwards to deepen it, licking his tongue against the seem of Aaron’s mouth.

Aaron’s mind was screaming for him to pull back but his body craved more, pulling Robert closer by the sides of his jacket, pressing their bodies together as he opened his mouth to let Robert’s tongue slide inside.

His memory had been insufficient to capture feeling of kissing Robert, even the drunken kiss from a few weeks ago was nothing compared to the spark that accompanied Robert’s tongue, slick and wet and warm, curling around his own and he moaned, anger dissipating with every touch. He wrapped his arms around Robert’s waist and pulled him close; having Robert like this was what he had dreamt of for weeks and he wanted him as close as possible.

Robert’s breathing sounded in Aaron’s ear, his inhibitions disappearing with every new sound they made; before long Robert pressed a hand under Aaron’s t-shirt, fingers grabbing Aaron’s hip and close to sliding down to grab the soft flesh of his arse.

Aaron felt Robert’s hip buck up to press against him, felt the evidence of Robert’s arousal against his leg and pressed back with equal force, creating friction that made Robert freeze mid-kiss and just groan.

Robert pulled away and Aaron chased after him, eyes open and wanting and as they met Robert’s he saw his feelings mirrored in them.

“Upstairs?” Robert asked, his leg sliding between Aaron’s and pressing against him in the most delicious way.

Aaron nodded and Robert smiled that smile, that arrogant, cocky, gorgeous smile that made Aaron’s knees weak.

Robert bounded up the stairs and Aaron was quick to follow. His mind was focussed on one thing only, and it was the blond man ahead of him. Robert clearly remembered which room was his, opening the door and sliding inside, letting Aaron walk in and close it. As soon as they were inside Robert pushed Aaron against the closed door and continued from where they left off.

Aaron’s hand went to Robert’s shoulders, pushing off the leather jacket with one swift movement. Robert did the same, ridding Aaron of the jumper before getting his hands on the hem of Aaron’s shirt. Even though he knew Robert had seen his scars before he couldn’t help the flicker of doubt that ran through his mind and Robert noticed, taking his hands away and placing them on Aaron’s cheeks.

“I won’t take it off you if you don’t want to, I promise,” Robert said and Aaron smiled and leaned in for a kiss. He was too far gone to stop now, too hard and intoxicated by Robert and he knew exactly where he wanted this to go. “Do you want this?” Robert asked.

Aaron smiled and nodded, grabbing the hem of Robert’s t-shirt and pulling it off in one swift motion.

“I want you,” he said, pushing against his bare chest to guide him to the bed, and Robert went with eagerness. Aaron looked down at Robert, laying on the bed in his jeans, arousal obvious and took his t-shirt off before leaning over him.

“ _Fuck_ , Aaron,” Robert said in between kisses, hand roaming Aaron’s back down to his trousers and pushing down underneath the fabric to grab a fistful of Aaron’s arse.

Aaron kissed him eagerly, biting his lower lip and making Robert moan. His hands moved down to Robert’s fly and he made quick work of the zipper and pushed them off, relishing the sight of Robert’s thick thighs and gorgeous body.

He stood up, standing at the foot of the bed and making Robert sit on the edge. Aaron’s legs were between Robert’s and Robert kissed along his stomach before his hands came to open his trousers and slide them down. Before he could comprehend what was going to happen Robert mouthed him through the fabric of his briefs.

The sight of Robert’s lips stretched once more around his albeit clothed cock made his spine shiver - he had missed the sight. He knew it wasn’t enough, knew the only thing he wanted was Robert naked beneath him so he placed a hand in Robert’s hair and pulled slightly, making him lean back. Aaron bent down and removed Robert’s briefs, once again seeing Robert’s impressive length, hard and leaking against his stomach and the sight made Aaron’s toes curl. Robert’s hands found the hem of Aaron’s brief and he pulled them down slowly, the soft fabric sliding against his skin and he hissed as Robert bit the skin right next to the base of his cock.

“Aaron, Aaron, Aaron…” he moaned, smiling up at Aaron with dark eyes that made Aaron send him a smile back. Aaron pushed at his shoulders so Robert lay back on the bed and lay down on top of him, pressing their bodies against one another, feeling the friction of his cock against Robert’s.

Aaron licked his way up Robert’s neck, biting at his jaw before claiming his lips in a searing kiss, all tongue and teeth and stubble against smooth skin as their hips moved together, hips jutting to create delicious friction that just wasn’t enough.

“Do you have…?” Robert asked and Aaron smiled, reaching for the drawer and pulling out some lube and condoms.

Robert went for the former, pressing some into the palm of his hand before wrapping it around Aaron’s length.

Aaron couldn’t help the moan and the expletives that fell out of his mouth at seeing and feeling Robert around him again. He slid his hands up and down, squeezing slightly as the reached the tip and Aaron bucked his hips, wanting more, needing _more_.

“Robert, I -” Aaron began and Robert stopped moving, applying more lube and wrapping his hand around both of them. Aaron’s breath hitched; he could feel Robert’s length along his own, feel Robert’s hand moving, alternating the speed as Robert tried to concentrate on what he was doing. Aaron couldn’t wait any longer, and by the look of it neither could Robert - his eyes were dark and there was a thin sheen of sweat on his chest. Aaron tried as best his could to hold himself up while Robert moved his hand up and down, panting in Aaron’s ear and muttering incoherently.

Aaron felt that tug of heat at the bottom of his spine, felt his muscles tensing and his vision become unfocused and he thought maybe he was moaning, until suddenly it became too much and his spine liquified, eyes clenching as he came, shooting his load onto Robert’s stomach but Robert didn’t stop moving. Aaron felt every drop pulled out of him by Robert’s hand before Robert came onto Aaron’s release with a deep groan.

Aaron managed to not collapse on top of Robert, instead meeting his eye and seeing that Robert was smiling; he was happy and blissed out and Aaron couldn’t help smile back. It hadn’t been like this the last time.

When they were cleaned up Aaron sat down on the edge of the bed tentatively - he half expected Robert to leave, to rush out as he always had before but Robert stayed on the bed, naked and smiling, an arm slung under his head. Aaron felt his hand rest on his thigh and then Robert was pulling Aaron down to lie on top of him, placing his head on Robert’s shoulder.

“I’ve missed you,” Robert said, a hand resting on Aaron’s back.

Aaron was quiet, not knowing how to respond. He knew what he wanted to say, three words that sounded with every beat of his heart, that he knew were true with every look they shared but he didn’t, he _couldn’t_. Instead he placed a hand on Robert’s thigh and stroked at the skin there, breathing in the smell of sex and Robert and hoping this was real.

Robert pressed a kiss to Aaron’s forehead, thumb stroking Aaron’s shoulder and Aaron couldn’t remember the last time he had been with someone and it had felt like this; breath hitching, passionate, fiery. He never wanted it to end.

Aaron’s hand moved up, closer and closer to sensitive skin and he watched Robert’s breath grow fast as he lightly grazed along Robert’s hip bone.

“What are you trying to do?” Robert whispered and Aaron grinned up at him.

“Nothing,” Aaron said, sliding his hand down to Robert’s inner thigh.

“Give me a few more minutes and maybe we can do nothing together…” Robert said suggestively and Aaron leaned up and kissed him, sliding his tongue against Robert’s.

Aaron rested his hand on Robert’s thigh, content to just touch his skin.

“You alright?” Aaron asked. He could hear the steady thrum of Robert’s heart and pressed his body closer, his walls crumbling with each beat.

Robert hummed in assent, before he started chuckling.

“I had almost forgotten how good that felt,” he said and Aaron looked at him confused.

“What, it can’t have been that long…” Aaron said, and Robert gave him a shrug.

“I haven’t exactly had much time for anything other than Sarah since she was born and before that…” he trailed off and Aaron swallowed. “Suffice it to say it has been a while, and then it happens with you.” Robert leaned down and gave Aaron a quick, hungry kiss.

“Not exactly what I had expected today either,” Aaron admitted. He looked around his small room and sighed.

“Is it weird being back?” Robert asked, and for the first time Aaron felt safe enough to answer.

“Yes, it is… I had this picture of what the village would be like when I got back and this is nothing like I expected,” he said, hand trailing over soft skin suggestively. “Not that I am disappointed.”

“I should hope not,” Robert said, pulling Aaron closer.

“It’s been good to be home again though,” Aaron admitted. Robert put his hand on Aaron’s cheek and lifted his head; their eyes met and it was enough to make Aaron pause, hold a breath and drown.

“I’ve missed you, Aaron,” he said. Aaron felt a smile tug at his lips, the admission so much more than he could ever hope for. Before he could respond Robert leant down and pressed his lips against Aaron’s, warm and inviting and reverent in the way that awoke memories that had plagued him for months while he was away.

What was soft and gentle became heated in seconds as Aaron felt himself stir. Robert shifted so they lay against each other on their sides, wrapping his leg around one of Aaron’s and moving close enough that their entire bodies were pressed against one another.

Robert broke away, eyes hesitant as lay face to face.

“Aaron…” he began and Aaron pressed their foreheads together. “I want you…”

Aaron lifted an eyebrow and looked down at Robert’s erection, grinning.

“I am aware of that,” Aaron said, making Robert chuckle nervously.

“I mean, I want you inside me,” Robert said bluntly. It took a few seconds for it to sink in, and Aaron swallowed hard, his heart beat pounding in his ears.

“Sure?” Aaron asked with a whisper and Robert nodded, his eyes dark.

“Just, go easy…” Robert said and Aaron kissed him. His lips were plaint beneath his own, and Aaron moaned as their tongues met briefly.

“Of course I will,” Aaron said, finding the lube and pressing a generous amount onto his index finger. Shifting down the bed slightly, licked and kissed at Robert’s chest as his finger gently started moving, making Robert press down against the mattress, body asking for more. With a slight nod from Robert Aaron pressed inside, and after some stretching he added a second finger along with it; Robert groaned, fist grabbing the sheet beneath him as he moved down on Aaron’s fingers. Aaron let him, let him draw out what pleasure he wanted from Aaron’s fingers before he stilled and Aaron pressed further inside. The second he hit home Robert’s body tensed, mumbling and groaning incomprehensibly and Aaron grinned.

He worked him open slowly, making sure Robert was entirely relaxed before pushing in the third finger and opening him further. Robert’s cock was leaking pre-cum on his stomach, his legs were spread and shaking slightly with the effort of holding up and Aaron licked a stripe along Robert’s length before he pulled out his fingers out. Robert let out a breath as he did so, his pupils blown and his face flushed.

“ _Fuck_ , Aaron,” Robert moaned, running a hand down Aaron’s chest as Aaron rolled on a condom, applied lube, and placed himself at Robert’s entrance. “Do it, please,” Robert begged and Aaron bit his lips to stifle a groan as he pushed in.

Robert’s arms wrapped around Aaron’s back and his legs did the same, allowing Aaron to move further inside; Robert’s tight heat encompassed him, made him feel light-headed and he stilled, wanting it to last.

“Move,” Robert said, his voice dark and hoarse. Aaron nodded, his elbows resting at Robert’s sides and he leant down for a messy kiss as he pulled out and and pushed back in, the sensations almost too much.

He began a steady rhythm, slow and deep thrusts that had Robert tightening his grip on his back, scratching slighty at the skin and making Aaron’s want to move faster. Robert slid a hand down to Aaron’s arse and pulled him closer, giving Aaron goosebumps.

“Go faster,” Robert whispered. Aaron bit at his shoulder before upping the pace, thrusting in and out and trying not to lose himself in the feeling of Robert all around him; panting in his ear, scratching at his skin, taking him so well.

Aaron’s spine tingled, his lips mouthed along skin and lips, his hands caressing and stroking and grabbing whatever he could, hoping Robert felt as whole as he did.

He was close, he knew he was close from the tug in his stomach that grew with each sensation. Beneath him Robert’s eyes were closed, his hands gripping Aaron’s body, his groans low and drawn out and it sounded so good. Aaron shifted slightly, allowing his hand to reach between them and wrap around Robert’s cock - Robert’s eyes flew open at the sensation, his breath hitching as Aaron moved in time with his thrusts. Robert’s eyes met his and held his gaze and he inched closer to release until suddenly Aaron felt Robert clench around him and he came, groaning and spilling his load onto his stomach. Aaron bent down and captured his lips in a kiss, tongues curling behind teeth, and his nerves exploded, releasing and combusting at the same time.

He came to with his face buried in the crook of Robert’s neck, his stomach sticky. He didn’t remember collapsing but he shifted, pressing a kiss to Robert’s neck.

Robert winced slightly as Aaron pulled out, and he quickly disposed of the condom and grabbed something for them to clean up with. He kissed Robert quickly and pulled away with a smile as he took the tissues and threw them out in the bathroom, feet on cold tiles, moving quickly to not be discovered by anyone, wanting to be back in the warmth of Robert’s arms.

When he came back to the bedroom he found Robert frantic, half-dressed and pulling his jumper on over ruffled hair. His face was still flushed, the afterglow fading with every passing second and Aaron’s mood plummeted.

“What -” Aaron began but Robert gave him a curt look and picked up his jacket from the floor.

“I have to go,” Robert said and Aaron’s heart beat in his chest. He looked on with resignation as Robert took the last few things from the room and opened the door, pausing before he left.

He shot a glance towards Aaron, almost as if he wanted to do more, so say something but in the end he barely spared him a look before rushing out the door and leaving Aaron naked and alone in his bedroom.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron finally sit down and talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter couldn't have been written without the wonderful turquoiseterrier on tumblr <3 thank you darling
> 
> I'm sorry it has taken me so long to write this, but I think you'll all enjoy this chapter :)

Aaron felt so good.

Robert had almost forgotten what it felt like to be with someone, to have sex with someone, and then it happened to be Aaron and it was a mess of unspoken emotions and toe-curling sex that had him almost blacking out from pleasure. 

Something about Aaron just let Robert be himself; whether it was his own openness, or the fact that he saw through Robert’s armour he didn’t know, but with Aaron on his lips, gripping his skin, Robert didn’t care. The familiar and entirely new feeling of kissing Aaron, of being with Aaron, had completely taken over his mind.

It felt different - he was free this time to act on it. 

After their second round Robert couldn’t remember feeling so relaxed, so at ease. The smell of Aaron was heavy on his skin, the slight ache was a pleasant reminder of what Aaron had done to him, how he had ripped him apart.

Robert would have to do that again, and soon. 

Aaron had pulled out and kissed him, licking into his mouth as there was nothing else in the world that could sate his hunger before he went to clean up. Robert smiled as he saw him walk away, naked and so sexy he couldn’t help but smirk. He absentmindedly found his phone in his pocket and looked at it. 

4:17 pm.

7 missed calls. 

Fuck. 

Sarah. 

He had completely forgotten about her. 

His face fell and panic shot through him. He had completely forgotten about picking up his daughter, his precious girl, the best part of him, and embarrassment and guilt flooded him, drowning out all the satisfaction and heat he had felt with Aaron. He suddenly felt wrong, felt horrible about being with Aaron like this, forsaking his daughter for a quick fuck with his ex - what was he thinking?

The guilt sat heavy in his stomach as he started moving, picking his clothes up from the floor in a frenzy, almost forgetting his briefs on the other side of the room. His trousers still had his car-keys and his wallet and he sighed with relief - at least he didn’t have to search the room for anything. Aaron came back as Robert pulled his jumper on and Robert felt his stomach churn at the sight of him; this shouldn’t be how it happened. He was supposed to take care of her. 

He had allowed himself an indulgence, a brief moment of pleasure but it couldn’t be at her cost, it couldn’t result in his daughter being forgotten, left behind by the only parent she had left. 

“What -” Aaron started but the look in Robert’s eyes silenced him. He bent over and picked up his jacket from the floor with a sigh. 

“I have to go,” Robert said curtly. 

He shrugged on his jacket and picked up the last of his things before walking to the door. A flash of regret went through him and he paused, wanting to explain, wanting to say  _ something _ but he knew he couldn’t. Not when he had let the most important person in his life down. So he left instead. 

-

The day-care center were kind enough when Robert arrived 30 minutes late, explaining that next time he could always call ahead to make sure they know when he would be there. Robert nodded through the speech, hating the undertones of single-parent failure laced with every word and left the place with Sarah as soon as he could. 

Sarah hadn’t noticed anything; she was happy and smiling and wrapped her arms around him all the same, feeling nothing of his mistake. That made Robert more angry than anything: He had been selfish, allowed himself a momentary lapse in judgement and forgotten his responsibilities. Disappointment took over, disappointment at himself and at his ridiculous attempt at happiness. 

Vic felt his mood instantly; he was surly and it showed, none of his giggles or weird noises he used with Sarah were there when she came home.

“Hiya beautiful,” she said, stroking Sarah’s hair and eyeing her brother. “You alright?” 

He gave her a weak smile and a breathy ‘yeah’ but it was no use. 

“Right, out with it,” she demanded, hands on her hips in that way that meant there was no getting out of it.

“What?” he asked. 

She sighed and sat down next to Sarah. “You’re all frustrated and angry, come on. Tell me what happened.” 

Robert sighed, ran a hand over his face and sat down. 

“I can’t do this Vic.”

“Do what?”

“Be a good father, I can’t do that and be happy, I’ve failed -” 

Vic cut him off with a gesture, eyes calm and searching 

“Right, you are going to tell me what happened so I can prove you wrong.” 

Robert took a deep breath. His mind was a mess, memories of Aaron against his skin running through his head accompanied by guilt and anger but kissing Aaron, being with Aaron. He wanted it again. Telling her meant telling her everything, but he needed to talk to someone or he was going to explode. He got up and walked over to his daughter, placing a hand on either side of her head to cover her ears. This was not something he wanted her to hear, even if she had yet to grasp the english language. 

“I had sex with Aaron today.... twice."

Stunned silence followed his admission. Vic’s mouth dropped, her eyes opened, and she let out a small breathless ‘no’ of surprise; whatever she thought he was about to say, it hadn’t been that.

Robert nodded as he lifted his hands from Sarah’s ears. She glanced up at him, smiling and completely unaware and he ran a hand through her soft hair, grounding him. Her happiness was paramount and seeing her smile had a calming effect on him. She was the most important thing to him and it was grounding to have that certainty in his life.

At the look on Vic’s face however, he was brought back to reality. 

“You… what? I -” she placed a hand over her mouth and let out a shaky laugh, “you and Aaron?!”

“I knew there was something weird going on between you two, but I never expected it to be -” she paused and turned to him, pointing at him, “how long has this been going on?” 

Robert hesitated before replying. 

“That’s… a hard question to answer.” 

“No it isn’t,” she said, getting up and walking around the kitchen, “how long have you been seeing Aaron?” 

“Well today was the first time since… before he left. I was cheating on Chrissie,” Robert admitted, a hand in his hair and his daughter oblivious beside him.

“You’re the bloke he was seeing before he left for France?!” she exclaimed and Robert shushed her, glancing at the open window. When she quieted down, he nodded.

“No!” she sat down, “That was you?”

Robert nodded again. He sat down and looked on as Vic processed this information, eyebrows furrowed and mouth slack. 

“You are going to have to tell me everything, Robert.” 

He looked at her insisting eyes and took a deep breath before beginning. There was no way around it now. 

“Aaron and I started seeing each other at the start of December after I got back, and there was just something about him. I loved Chrissie but Aaron was something else… I couldn’t stop. After I got married and Chrissie got pregnant, Aaron wouldn’t talk to me and he left, saying he didn’t want to break up a family.” Robert remembered the heaviness in his chest after Aaron left. “I missed him and it took a toll on me and Chrissie’s relationship… on top of becoming a father I couldn’t cope. So she left me.” 

Vic sat open-mouthed, taking it all in.

“You were miserable during her pregnancy… and that was why? Because you missed Aaron?” 

Robert nodded, “and on top of having a child I felt completely unready for, I was a bit of a mess.”

“So you, and him?” she paused, eyeing him shrewdly, “did you love him?”

Robert considered it, remembered what it was like to be with Aaron, remembered how he felt at the sight of him. Remembered how he felt when he left. 

“I did… and I think I still do,” he conceded.

Vic’s shriek was enough to startle Sarah and she lifted her arms up to join in. Robert grinned at her apparent joy at his mess of a love life. 

“I don’t know if it’s anything to cheer about.”

“I think it’s brilliant Robert,” she said, but she had no idea. “You deserve to be happy and so does Aaron.” Robert groaned.

“No it isn’t brilliant… I was with him today, and I forgot everything about Sarah. I forgot to pick her up from day-care and I can’t do that to her, I can’t abandon her the way her mother did. I can’t be with Aaron and be a parent, I don’t know how to do it.” 

“You deserve to be a parent and have a relationship.” Robert tried to shrug it off, opening his mouth to disagree but she cut him off with a look. Then she smiled at him, placed a hand on his arm in comfort. He felt himself start to crumble, his resolve weakening with every look from his sister but Vic always knew what to do, what to say. 

“You can do this, you’re not alone. You’ve got me and Adam, and we’re happy to look after her when you’re with Aaron. Diane and Chas will lend a hand as well, they already have. You don’t have to figure this out on your own.”

This must be what having a family meant. He took a shuddering breath and covered her hand with his, thankful for her support. 

“We just want to see you happy, Rob,” she said and Robert gave her a small smile. 

“Don’t know if Chas’ll be too pleased, she hated me a year ago.”

Vic shrugged it off and Robert wished he could do the same, “well she’s come around hasn’t she? And you’ve changed.” 

“What if Aaron doesn’t want to be with me,” he admitted, “I left him a bit hastily today… think I might have messed it all up.” 

“Go talk to him then! Tell him what you told me and I’m sure he’ll understand.” 

Robert nodded, about to speak but Sarah started crying. They had ignored her for too long. 

“Want me to take care of her while you go and talk to him?” Vic suggested but Robert shook his head. 

“Need to figure out what I’m going to say first…” he eyed her and handed her Sarah, “but I could do with a shower.” 

“Ugh, no details please,” she said with a smile and Robert made to go upstairs.

He walked over and picked Sarah up from her chair, making soothing noises and rubbing her back to calm her down. 

“I can’t believe it… you and Aaron?” Vic let out a long breath and Robert started worrying. 

“Think it might be a good thing?” he said and Vic smiled. 

“I think it’s a great thing, Robert.” 

\- 

 

Aaron lay on his bed for longer than he wanted to admit, towel around his waist after a shower to wash the smell of Robert off his skin. The ache in his chest was crushing; he had gotten exactly what he wanted, he had Robert under him, kissing him and making him feel things he had repressed for months. 

He had been lulled into a false sense of security, deceived as only Robert could, made him believe he wanted him before breaking his heart. How had he let it happen again?

The heat of Robert’s lips, the softness of them, was seared onto his own and he hated it. 

Chas knocked on the door tentatively, and Aaron wasn’t going to let her come in and see him like this. 

“What is it?” he asked, more harshly than necessary. 

“Tea’s ready love, if you’re up for it,” she said. “You alright?”

“I’ll be down soon, yeah?” he replied, hoping it was answer enough. 

He got dressed as quickly as he could, shoving the clothes strewn on the floor in the hamper before he went down and joined Diane and Chas for tea. 

 

It had felt so different to be with Robert, new and exciting even though they had been with each other countless times. They had shared looks and Aaron hadn’t allowed himself to be so vulnerable since the last time he was with Robert but Robert kissed him as if he was the only person in the world. As if Robert wanted no one else. It had felt different this time, different than when they were just having an affair and Aaron was second choice, Aaron was just a way to pass the time. This time, it had felt like Robert was just as affected as Aaron was.

He ran a hand over his face. The change in Robert’s behaviour had been so fast and Aaron still had no idea what caused it; one moment he had looked at him with reverence and softness that made Aaron’s heart ache and the next he was withdrawn and cold, a look more reminiscent of when they had an affair than anything else. 

He stared at his phone for hours, hoping it would go off, wondering whether to send a text. It shouldn’t be him reaching out, it shouldn’t be him waiting by his phone again for Robert to call but here he was. In the end, he switched it off and went for a pint with Adam instead. 

 

A few days went by before he saw Robert again.

He was walking back from David’s, bag in hand with a pint of milk and some biscuits when Robert caught up with him, jogging as he called his name. Aaron refused to turn around. Hearing his name on Robert’s lips was intoxicating but he couldn’t turn around, couldn’t give Robert that power over him again. 

“Wait up,” Robert said, falling into step with Aaron. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you for days…” 

“Could’ve called,” Aaron retorted and Robert paused. 

“I’m sorry Aaron, please.. Can we go and talk?” 

Aaron raised an eyebrow as he looked at him, skeptical. “What d’you want to talk about? Business?”

“Us…” Robert interjected, hands pointing between the two of them, “what happened the other day…” 

Aaron bit his lip; this was exactly what he was afraid of. Robert telling him it was nothing, it was over, it couldn’t happen again. He didn’t have the energy for it. He set off instead, heading straight for the pub.

“Won’t happen again, don’t worry.” 

“Aaron, wait…” Robert said as he walked after him. “Come on, let’s talk about this…” 

Aaron stopped, turned around and stared Robert right in the eyes. 

“What, so I can hear you say it was a mistake? That it should never have happened?”

Robert’s eyes softened, and he glanced around before replying, lowering his voice. 

“So I can tell you that I want it to happen again. I was an idiot, leaving like that, but please… can we talk so I can explain?”

Hope flooded him, unbridled and strong, breaking his stare and he looked for any sign of insincerity in Robert’s face. There was none. 

Aaron bit his lip, taking it all in, trying not to let it get to him, not to hope too much. Finally he nodded and Robert broke into a smile. 

“Meet me at Vic’s in 20?” 

“Won’t Adam and Vic be at home?” Aaron suggested and Robert shook his head. 

“I’ve asked Vic and Adam to look after Sarah today, think they’ve taken her to the park… See you soon?” Robert asked, all smiles and hope and it almost made Aaron smile back.

“Yeah, I’ll be there…”

Aaron was nervous, hand sweaty and heart pounding - Robert promised him he wanted it to happen again, but if it was just a fling, would Aaron be able to do it? It was painful enough to not have Robert at all, but maybe being with him without being allowed to feel it was too much. He went through every possible scenario in his mind and felt his stomach churn as he walked towards Keeper’s. He raised a nervous fist and knocked on the door and Robert opened; their eyes met and Aaron felt his heart flutter. God he was beautiful. His eyes were smiling at him and Aaron wanted to melt into it. 

“Come in,” Robert said leading him to the living room and sitting down on the sofa. 

Aaron followed and Robert had to remove one of Sarah’s toys before Aaron sat down, a small smile on his face as he tossed it on the floor. “Will have to clean that later,” Aaron heard him mutter. He noticed a small basket in the corner with a stuffed animal sticking out of the top; that must be Sarah’s, but it made him smile anyway. 

Silence filled the room; Aaron was fidgeting, hands wringing as he waited but Robert seemed at a loss for words. 

“You wanted to talk?” Aaron began and Robert nodded. 

“I… I want to be with you, Aaron.” 

Nothing could prepare him for the reaction those words had; he froze and felt a heat spread from his stomach, his nervous nausea gone with the declaration. 

“I don’t know how we are going to do this, but I have missed you so much and I had never imagined you wanted me back until you did and I want that again. I want you.” 

Aaron stared at his hands, unable to process, unable to  _ think _ . 

“I don’t understand,” Aaron began, his thoughts trying to wade through the mess of emotions and string a coherent sentence together. 

“I know I was an idiot yesterday, but if we are going to do this, if you want to do this you have to know that my daughter is always going to come first and yesterday I forgot that. I lost myself in being with you and it meant I forgot about her and that can’t happen again.”  Aaron looked up now, met his eyes. He looked serious, sincere. He took a deep breath before continuing, “I want to give us a proper chance, if you still want me.” 

Aaron felt a smile tug at his lips, felt himself nod and Robert smiled back, reached over and placed his hand on Aaron’s. His hand was warm on Aaron’s, his thumb stroking his skin and making him lose his train of thought. It hadn’t sunk in, not yet… Aaron knew it would at some point, but for now he was unable to believe it.

“I know it’ll be weird with Sarah around, but we’re a package deal and I need you to know how important she is for me.”

Aaron nodded, focussing on Robert’s hand touching him, eyes following the movement of his thumb. 

“I’d rather you have a daughter than a wife…” Aaron said and Robert let out a breathy laugh. 

“Fair enough,” he said, “she really seemed to like you…” 

Aaron nodded, smiling at the memory of holding her in his arms. 

“What about… Everyone will find out about you…” Aaron began. 

Robert nodded and shrugged. “I came out to Vic and Diane, told them I’m bisexual and they took it really well. I realised that I needed to be myself in order to be happy and Sarah deserves a parent who isn’t afraid of who he is…”

“That’s great Robert,” Aaron said. Realisation was dawning. This was happening; Robert wanted him. “I’ve missed you,” Aaron heard himself say, heard the crack in his voice as he said it. He had admitted it to himself thousands of times but saying it aloud somehow made it more real than anything else. Robert pulled him in, pressed his lips to Aaron’s in a gentle, soft kiss that spoke volumes and made Aaron melt into his arms. 

“We’ll figure it out,” Robert whispered in between kisses and Aaron hummed in reply, not yet willing to pry his lips from Robert’s.

When Aaron did pull away he was happy to see Robert chase him. “Wait, does this mean Vic knows?” Aaron asked. 

Robert nodded. “I’m sorry Aaron but I needed to talk to someone about it… I’ve been a bit of a mess lately,” he conceded and Aaron snorted. 

“You’ve been a mess…” Aaron admitted and Robert’s face fell. 

“I’m sorry,” he said heavy with regret. Robert pulled him in again, whispered it into his skin and neck, apology and declaration and slowly Aaron felt like he meant it. 

 

Aaron wasn’t even aware of time passing; he was lying in Robert’s arms on Vic’s couch afraid that if he moved, it would all disappear, Robert would disappear. 

“I’m sorry it has taken me so long to realise…” Robert said, mouth resting against Aaron’s neck. 

“What?” Aaron asked. Robert’s arms were wrapped around his waist, the smell of Robert enveloping him. 

“How important you are to me,” Robert said, voice low and pained. “I’ve wasted to much time… even when I was with Chrissie I knew how much you meant to me but I was so scared.” He stopped talking and Aaron’s body tensed at Robert’s words. They hadn’t talked about Chrissie. “I’ve never been able to forget you, even after you left, I was miserable.” 

Aaron let out a breath and Robert pressed a kiss to his neck. 

“I hated watching you with her, I couldn’t bear it… I had to go.” Aaron’s voice was strained with the effort of holding back his emotions but Robert pulled him closer and his hurt grew less important. 

“I know, and I understand… I’m just glad that even though it has taken us this long, we’re here now… I want to be with you and I wasn’t ready for that when you left.” 

Aaron clung on to the heat of Robert’s body as he spoke. 

“What changed?” 

He could almost feel Robert think, feel his body pause as his mind worked to find the words. 

“I have… Sarah changed me, she lets be myself in a way that only one person has before her… you. I’ve been such an idiot.”

Aaron stroked his arm with his hand, pressed his back further into Robert’s chest and closed his eyes. 

“I’m going to have to do a lot of apologising Aaron,” Robert said and Aaron turned his head, pressed a kiss to his lips. 

“We’ll get there…” 

He pulled back and rested his head against Robert’s shoulder, serenity passing over him but he felt more awake than he had in ages; every nerve ending was aware that this was Robert holding him. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been held like this. 

“What about we go out, the three of us?” Aaron asked, breaking the silence.

He heard Robert smile, felt his lips at his neck tug up at the corners. 

“I’d like that…” Robert began, but he was interrupted by the sound of the door opening and Adam, Vic and Sarah coming home. 

Aaron panicked, breaking away from Robert and sitting down next to him as if they hadn’t just been cuddling on the sofa. Robert smiled and pulled at Aaron’s hand, intertwining their fingers. 

Vic and Adam came through the door, Adam holding Sarah in his arms and he absentmindedly glanced towards them and greeted them, completely oblivious. Vic on the other hand, made a small squeak as she saw them together. 

“Does this mean what I think it means?” she asked and Aaron blushed. 

He got up hurriedly and Robert followed. 

“Yeah, it does.” 

She ran over and hugged Robert before hugging Aaron. 

“I’m thrilled for the pair of you,” she said as she hugged him, “finally sorting it out.” 

Adam looked between them and cocked an eyebrow. 

“Have I missed something?” 

Aaron stared at the floor and Robert looked at Aaron expectantly, raising an eyebrow as if to ask which one of them would break the news. 

“Remember that bloke I was telling you about?” Aaron asked and Adam’s eyes squinted. 

“The idiot you were seeing before you left? Yeah I remember him,” Adam replied. 

“Idiot? Thanks for that,” Robert muttered and Vic rolled her eyes. 

“What?”

“I’m the idiot, Adam…” Robert said.

“What… you and him?” Adam asked Aaron, and he could do nothing but shrug. “What’s all this then?” He pointed between the two of them with one hand while he held Sarah with the other. 

“We’ve decided to give it another shot…” Aaron said and Adam handed Vic the baby. 

“Hang on, since when were you into blokes?” Adam asked, “and why are you taking him back when he hurt you?” 

“I’m bisexual,” Robert said at the same time as Aaron said “because we’ve sorted things out and I missed him.”

Their eyes locked together and Aaron smiled, and for the first time in too long, it felt genuine.

 

Aaron went home soon after; Robert needed to take care of his daughter and he wasn’t in the mood for either Vic or Adam’s questions about all of it. Even then, his heart lighter than he could remember it being in ages, his footsteps not as heavy as they had been before. It hadn’t hit him yet, he still couldn’t believe it but the memory of Robert’s words left him hoping it wasn’t a dream. He couldn’t stop smiling and he couldn’t wait to see Robert again - they hadn’t agreed on a time and Aaron felt his smile falter. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out, surprised to see Robert’s name flash up on the screen. 

_ See you tomorrow? X _

Aaron grinned from ear to ear, unable to hide his happiness. 

_ Can’t wait. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave kudos and comments, I love to hear what you guys think! 
> 
> I'm escapingreality51 on tumblr


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert enjoy a day together.

The cup  between Aaron’s hands was steaming, vapour curling through the air and filling his nose with the familiar smell of Bob’s coffee. He sat in a char in the corner of the café, nerves bubbling through him as he waited. It was empty except for Bob behind the counter and Kerry and Dan eating a sarnie at one of the tables and Aaron was grateful for the relative privacy, the quiet that allowed him to take a deep breath and think.

Robert had asked to meet him at 2 pm, but Aaron had wanted time without Adam’s still incredulous face when they spoke, without Chas asking where he was last night, without Vic sending him knowing looks and smiles and making him overthink everything. He had arrived early, taken a seat and a deep breath.

A relationship with Robert.

Heat unfurled in his chest at the thought, remembered Robert’s words from last night and the softness of his smile. Aaron tried to reconcile it with the memories from _before_ but it was so different. It wasn’t laced with pain, with the knowledge that he came second, that Robert chose someone else. It was thrilling, a side of Robert that Aaron had seen sparsely now fully on display and if Aaron concentrated he could still feel Robert’s lips against his skin, whispering apologies and promises onto his neck. His hand absentmindedly rubbed at the skin there.

The bell rang out and Aaron looked up in time to see Robert walk in. He looked amazing in a black leather jacket and blue jumper underneath that Aaron guessed had elbow patches. His jeans almost made Aaron’s mouth water as his eyes trailed up his body. The moment their eyes met Robert’s face erupted into a smile, one that engulfed his features and made his eyes shine. It was a jolt through Aaron’s body, the revelation that this was real, this was happening. Robert held his gaze as he walked over to the chair opposite Aaron and sat down.

“Hi,” he said quietly. His voice was soft, as gentle as it had been last night.

Aaron cleared his throat. “Hiya.”

Robert grinned at him and ordered an americano from Bob.

He leaned forward a bit, rested his elbows on his knees and smiled at Aaron.

“How’re you feeling?” he asked. Aaron gulped.

“I’m good, yeah…” he managed to get out, hands fidgeting in his lap. “Nervous.”

Robert grinned at him. “Me too.”

“Where’s Sarah?” asked Aaron.

“Daycare. Found a nice place in Hotton that she’s been going to for a while now.” Robert paused to thank Bob when his coffee arrived. “You alright?”

Aaron swallowed hard. His heart was pounding in his chest, his palms were sweaty, and yet his shoulders felt lighter. It wasn’t tinged with worry, with unrequited love, with panic. He smiled at Robert’s question and answered as sincerely as he could. “I’m good.”

Robert reached over and, with a quick look over his shoulder, squeezed Aaron’s knee before pulling his hand away again.

“I… I don’t know how to do this,” he said.

“Do what?”

“Be honest with people.” Robert paused and Aaron could practically see him wanting to hide, his shoulders tensing and his gaze growing distant. “I’ve gotten so used to hiding I still can’t understand I don’t have to anymore… I’m sorry.” Robert glanced at the floor and Aaron shook his head.

“No, don’t. We don’t have to tell the whole village just yet, if you don’t want to.” Robert let out a breath.

“I don’t want to hide anymore.” Aaron looked at Robert’s downtrodden features and felt only sympathy.

“You don’t have to… we can just take it slow, see what happens.” Aaron’s throat felt tight at the words, at Robert looking so vulnerable. Robert met his eye and nodded, that lopsided smile back on his face. Aaron couldn’t help stare at his lips for a split second; he wanted to lean over, kiss them softly, passionately, slide his tongue along Robert’s. A loud laugh from Kerry shook him out of it.

“We’ll probably have to tell your mum and Diane,” Robert said. Aaron shrugged.

“Not immediately - we can wait a few days, if you’d like.”

Robert ran a hand over his face, squeezing slightly at the bridge of his nose. Another laugh from Kerry made him shift slightly in his seat.

“Can we go somewhere?” he asked.

“‘Course. We can go to the pub if you’d like. The back room should be empty…”

They quickly drank their coffees, set the cups back on the table and walked together towards the pub. They walked close, Robert’s arm close enough to brush against Aaron’s every few seconds, close enough that if Aaron wanted to, he could reach out and take Robert’s hand. Instead he glanced over, caught Robert’s eye and never wanted to look away.

As soon as they were through the door to the back of the pub, Robert pulled Aaron in by the sides of his jacket and kissed him. His lips pressed against Aaron’s, bottom lip slotting perfectly between his own, his upper lip pressing against Aaron’s stubble. It was messy and slightly off and laced with the taste of coffee but Aaron didn’t want to change it for the world.

“Wanted to do that all day,” Robert said breathlessly as Aaron pulled away, humming in agreement. It was Robert smiling as they pulled away that made him dive back in, tilt his head and kiss Robert right back. Aaron pressed him up against the door and tentatively touched the tip of his tongue to Robert’s, a touch that sent his mind reeling and made Robert moan, a small involuntary exhalation that filled Aaron with want.

They broke apart and Aaron ventured a glance upstairs.

“Think we’re alone?” Robert asked, voice deep.

Aaron ran up the stairs, checked the rooms. “We’re good.”

Robert walked up the stairs, taking them two at a time and stopped only when he stood a few inches from Aaron’s face. His gaze flickered between Aaron’s lips and his eyes, his mouth was turned up in that smug smile that made Aaron want to sink to his knees. So he pulled him into his bedroom, and did exactly that.

 

Robert shifted his hips, angled his thrusts just right to make Aaron’s back arch with pleasure, his fist clench around the sheet beneath him. Robert was everywhere, his strong arms surrounded him and his cock pressed inside of him, filling him until all Aaron could focus on was the drag against his prostate, the breathy, open-mouthed kisses they shared. Robert licked into his mouth as the thrust in again and Aaron moved a hand down to cup Robert arse, to feel the muscles tense with each movement.

“Aaron,” Robert moaned, forehead pressed against his own. His breath chilled Aaron’s sweat-slicked skin and Aaron rolled his hips in response, letting Robert press even deeper. With one final brush of his prostate Aaron’s spine liquified, his brain flooded with pleasure and he came, spilling over his stomach and clenching around Robert. His fingers grasped for purchase on Robert’s back, scratching slightly as Robert rocked him through it, drew it out and made Aaron shudder. Robert drove in hard and fast two, three times before he convulsed, mouth open and hips snapping; Aaron’s body was spent, his skin tingling as Robert came, and Aaron blissfully pressed a kiss to Robert’s shoulder as he moaned.

Languid kisses brought Robert back until he pulled out, disposed of the condom and found a cloth to wipe their chests with. It was done with silent looks and smiles that spoke more than Aaron knew he ever could.

They ended up lying on the bed, Robert’s head on Aaron’s chest, fingers running up and down his scarred chest. Robert had never asked, never pointed them out or made Aaron want to hide from them and right now Aaron didn’t care that he had them. Robert turned his head, pressed a kiss to Aaron’s rising chest and looked up at him with a smile.

“This is,” Aaron began but he paused, not knowing how to finish the thought. He was too happy, too dazed and tired and satisfied to string a sentence together. He held Robert closer and ignored the warmth they both exuded, the sweat that was cooling on their skin; he couldn’t imagine moving.  

“Amazing.” Robert suggested. Aaron grinned and kissed him, hoped that the press of his lips against Robert’s would convey the depth of his emotions.

“Shouldn’t we be on a day out with Sarah instead of holed up above Mum’s pub?” Aaron asked and Robert grinned.

“I guess,” he said with a shrug, “I don’t mind this though.” He draped his leg across Aaron’s naked thigh and moved in closer.

“Me neither… but I do want to spend time with her, your daughter. I know how much she means to you.”

Robert leaned up and looked at Aaron with such emotion Aaron felt a blush creep up his neck.

“I love you,” Robert said, eyes roaming Aaron’s face as if it were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

“I love you too,” Aaron managed, voice barely a whisper. Robert bent down and kissed him, curled his tongue behind his teeth and Aaron lost himself in it. It was a while before they broke apart.

“What about Saturday?” Robert asked.

“Sounds good.” Aaron glanced at the clock on the wall. “What time do you need to pick up Sarah?” he asked. He saw the flicker of a smile pass over Robert’s features before he replied.

“Four.”

Aaron hugged him closer, took in a deep breath and let himself enjoy the warmth emanating from Robert’s skin.

“We’ve got a bit more time then.”

Robert nuzzled his nose against Aaron’s neck and nodded.

 

“Vic?” Robert rifled through the basket and sighed before raising his voice and yelling again. “Vic!”

“What?” she replied.

“Where are the napkins?” Robert asked, taking out a selection of sandwiches and few bags of crisps.

“I put it at the bottom of the basket, next to the snacks for Sarah. They’re there Robert I know it…”

Robert pulled out the cutlery and there, nestled in the corner was the small stack he had been looking for.

“Found ‘em!” he yelled back. Hurried footsteps sounded down the stairs and Vic popped her head through the door, her hair still damp from a shower.

“Come on Robert, it’ll be fine. You’ve ruined the packing now as well!” she sighed and pointed at the scattered contents of her perfectly made basket. “You wanted my help and now you’re making me pack it twice… move over.”

Robert leaned against the kitchen counter and looked over at Sarah who was grinning as she drank from a small cup.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, “I just want it to be perfect.”

Vic gave him a small smile as she placed the packet of sliced cherry tomatoes back in the picnic basket.

“I know you do, but you’re going to have to calm down or I’ll rip your head off.”

Robert laughed.

“I’d like to see you try,” he joked and she scoffed at him.

“I may be small but I can get really angry…” she closed the basket and smiled. “See? It’s fine. I’ve got everything in there you could want, and a few snacks for Sarah as well. Aaron’ll love it, yeah?”

With a knock on the door Aaron poked his head through to the kitchen.

“What’ll I love?” he asked, small smile on his face. His eyes found Robert’s and he nodded at him in greeting but Robert couldn’t have that. He walked over and placed a gentle kiss to his lips.

“Hiya,” he said.

Aaron looked up at him with big blue eyes and swallowed.

“Hi.”

“Right, that’s my cue to leave!” Vic joked. “Have a great day yeah, have fun.”

Robert thanked her as she left and glanced over at Sarah.

“You ready?” Aaron asked and Robert nodded.

They drove for a few hours through the countryside. The dark green hues of late summer were giving way to the fiery oranges of autumn, brown leaves scattered on the ground as they were just beginning to fall. With a blanket on the back-seat next to Sarah, who was dressed for the season, Robert hoped the weather would hold and the sun would keep shining.

Robert pulled over by a small park and with Aaron’s help, they managed to find a lovely spot next to a tree and spread out the blanket. Sarah was giddy as Robert set her down on the blanket and Aaron opened the basket.

“This is amazing,” Aaron grinned as he opened the basket.

“Vic did most of it,” Robert countered.

“As long as I don’t find cucumber sandwiches in here we’re good.”

Robert laughed and Sarah did the same, blue-green eyes taking in her surroundings with a wonder that Robert could never get used to.

“She’s in a good mood,” Aaron quipped.

“Gave her some watered down-apple juice before we left, always makes her happy…” Robert said, lifting her up and placing her on his crossed legs. “Vic packed a few things for her as well.”

Aaron leaned back, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“It’s weird but I’ve missed the air in England. Felt different in France somehow, even with the sun baking down like today and the leaves almost the same colour it just wasn’t the same.” Aaron turned his head around and opened his eyes to look at Robert, squinting slightly in the sunlight. Robert stared at him, taking in the shadows that form along his cheek and the softness in which it rendered his features.

“I think it makes sense… this is home,” Robert muttered quietly. Aaron gave a hum in reply and sighed.

“For you and me both.”

Robert gave a small wordless reply, a lament more than anything.

“Why did you come back?” Aaron asked suddenly.

“With Chrissie you mean?” Aaron nodded in reply. “Lawrence had been talking about getting a new business and when he mentioned finding a potential home and investment in Emmerdale, I couldn’t help but want it. Want to go back, you know?” Robert felt Sarah wrap her hand around his index finger and looked down at her smiling face. “I didn’t come back for all the reasons I should’ve - Vic, Diane, even Andy… I came back because I wanted to prove him wrong, I wanted to show him that I could make it. Silly really, all things considered.”

Aaron placed a hand on Robert’s thigh, and quickly, too briefly he pulled it away.

“Sorry,” he muttered. Robert shook his head.

“Don’t be.” He placed the hand not wrapped around Sarah’s body on top of Aaron’s. “Why did you come home?” he asked.

Aaron met his eye and shrugged. “I missed them, Mum, Cain, Adam, Vic… I was fired from the job I had and couldn’t pay rent. Felt like the right time.”

“I bet Chas loves having you back,” Robert noted and Aaron grinned.

“Yeah, she does.”

“I’m glad you came back…” Robert spoke without thinking, thumb circling on Aaron’s skin.

“I kind of guessed, yeah.”

Aaron sat up and let glanced towards the food.

“Shall we?”

They ate slowly, filled the space between with jokes and stories and laughter. Aaron held his arm out to hold Sarah while Robert poured them each a cup of tea and with Sarah sat in his arms Aaron looked the picture of serenity. She grabbed at his chin and giggled at the rough beard beneath her fingers. Robert’s heart sang as he saw Aaron staring at her with joy in his eyes.

“She looks just like you,” he said. Robert’s hand stilled as he placed the thermos of tea back in the basket. “She has your eyes.”

“She likes you,” Robert retorted.

“How couldn’t she,” Aaron joked, lifting her up with a sure hand.

“I know it’s a lot, seeing a single parent…” Robert began. Aaron promptly sat Sarah back down on his lap, smile falling slightly. “I want to date you like a normal person but I also have to be a parent to Sarah and I don’t know how it’s going to work.”

Aaron ran a hand through her hair and smiled.

“We’ll figure it out, yeah?”

Robert swallowed, looked over at the most important person in his world sitting in the arms of the only person he ever really wanted, who ever really loved him. Sarah yawned before he could reply and Robert lifted her out of Aaron’s arms and into the seat he had brought.

Aaron lay back on the blanket as Robert rocked Sarah to sleep and before long she was quiet in the chair next to them.

Robert looked over at Aaron and moved so Aaron could lift his head and use Robert’s thigh as a pillow. Robert’s hand fell absentmindedly to Aaron’s hair, ran through his soft curls as he stared out over the Yorkshire countryside.

“How did we end up here?” Aaron mumbled and Robert shrugged.

“No idea… but I’m glad we did.”

Aaron grinned up at him and Robert couldn’t resist leaning down and placing a small kiss to Aaron’s slightly cold lips. It was soft, gentle, a drawn out touch that had Robert pulling away with a smile on his face. It felt good. The small tug at the corner of Aaron’s mouth made Robert realise he felt the same.

“We really doing this?” Aaron asked, voice small and eyes looking boldly up at Robert.

“Yeah, we are.” Robert bent down again and kissed him. “I want to tell people… I just don’t know how.” Aaron shrugged as best he could while lying down, hands resting on his stomach. “People are going to assume I’m gay when I’m not.”

Aaron moved a hand and laced it with Robert’s, rough calloused fingers against Robert’s soft palm.

“We’ll find a way,” Aaron said calmly. “It’s no one’s business but yours, yeah?”

Robert nodded and then couldn’t help himself. “Well, yours too.”

Aaron snorted, eyes shining. “I guess it is now.”

Robert looked at Aaron as he sat up, moved closer to Robert, and leaned in for a kiss. It wasn’t as soft this time and Robert sank into it, sliding their tongues together briefly before pulling away and looking over to see Sarah sleeping softly. He let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

“Alright?” Aaron asked and Robert nodded. He took a deep breath and tried to place what he was feeling.

It was unlike anything he had ever felt before.

Aaron leaned his head on Robert’s shoulder, drew circles on Robert’s palm with his index finger while Robert watched his daughter sleeping. Maybe he could do this, maybe he could be happy and be himself and not have to feel guilty. He looked over the countryside and felt a warmth spread through his chest, a burgeoning realisation that should’ve scared him, but didn’t.

“What’re you thinking about?” Aaron asked. Robert pressed a kiss to his head and smiled.

“I’m happy,” he conceded and Aaron looked up, grinning.

“Good,” he said, “me too.”

It was late afternoon by the time they decided to drive home, all smiles and red cheeks from the chilly air. Aaron helped Sarah into the car and strapped her in while Robert packed the boot and as he drove home, Aaron staring out the window while Sarah sat in the back seat, Robert couldn’t remember the last time he had smiled so effortlessly.

**Author's Note:**

> Come and find me on tumblr!: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/escapingreality51


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